They Weren't There When You Loved Me

Youth has its extremes. An early start gives you the knowledge on sensitive subjects.

I'm awfully insecure, you see.

But in comparison to popular belief,

it reflects on the absence of trust.

Saying you love someone doesn't mean you only love them,

in fact it may not even mean you like them.

They're just words.

How you express words makes my eyes blur and my head at ease to rest

but there comes a time where I actually realize that you once did love/like someone who was not me

and I was there for one of those times but I felt as if I knew you and her weren't meant to be

though, you did last longer than I thought. I'll give you that.

But now, if you liked anyone who was not her, then to me its heartbreaking

because those people weren't there for our memories

They weren't there when you got ecstatic from my kiss

They weren't there when you ever talked about me

They weren't there when we went to anywhere

They weren't there when there was or was not an us

They were there when there was you.

Years from now, who can say what our lives will be?

See, if you're my rock in the middle of a stream placing me in danger, I'll be oh so glad

But what if you're just a branch?

That false illusion of never having to fear anymore. Maybe an occasional hand slipping, 

you know the works.

You make me feel beautiful on particular days. I can't remember them on days where I feel that your love is lost

but I can remember them on mild days. 

See, no one has loved me like you do.

"You're so pretty"

in comparison to

"Why are you so beautiful?"

There are days where I have absolute no doubt in the thought of knowing that you do love me

but we're growing up and changing

and I'm not the same girl you first met in 7th grade nor the same girl you re-met in 9th.

Did I change drastically? Oh god no. I freaking love the same things. But I'm not as expressive.

You know how people ask that question... 

"If you could know when you're going to die, would you want to know?"

well, if that applied to love...

I think I would want to know when a couple breaks apart.

It's the pain...

I don't know if you've experienced it yet...

You wake up for school, and you feel so empty. As if you're not allowed to feel.

You wonder a lot about what your ex is feeling. You feel as if they're fine, and it saddens you even more.

Some friends don't mention it, and some people try to comfort you to the point where it seems as if

they're forcing you to cry. Although, after the first time you cried on a friend's shoulder,

you don't have the urge to do more. One show was enough.

School's over, you arrive home.

You cry countless times alone. Depending on how much you loved your ex, you feel suicidal,

maybe even a little (or alot) crazy. "I loved them more than they loved me..."

I'm more afraid of losing you this time around,

because there's no more surprises for me.

It's not "Yeah, I'd be sad if we broke up..."

or

"We're in love, forever!"

It's "Do you love him?"

"Why? Do you love him?" (jokingly)

It's not because I don't love you,

it's because I don't have to tell someone that I love you.

If it doesn't show with what I express, then something is wrong that day.

I'm terribly obsessed over you

but I have the front row seat to your show

so I don't have to hide my obsession.

Author's Note

It's the first time I've shown my self-time writing to someone (or many in this case) and I am open to critique, though have not experienced the rough side of such so as a weak-minded person, I hope you find some pity. Thank you.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

what comes out for me in this expression is that there are difficult struggles we endure as we grow into the human beings we become. the teen years, when others opinions are so important; and those stressful insecurities are at war with our true selves, are difficult to say the least. this is almost a confessional type of poem which are tricky to pull off. your language was a bit hard for me to follow. i think it could be smoothed out and simplified to create a smoother flow. i think you should keep writing. these are powerful emotions you are describing. i am way past my teen years and can honestly say i do not envy returning to them one bit. God bless you!
E.

[sharonlee]

I enjoyed the flow of your thoughts. A well written piece.

[Michelle Chiafala]

This is my favorite of yours. As I had read this, I felt as if I was right there with you, experiencing everything that you have described here so well. It brings back memories of some of my own early relationships.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The lines of this goes on a path of openness... hard to do by some accounts... but you speak through this with your words and tell the story to the reader... as if they are the one going through the trials in the verse... and the ending clearly states your true feeling... by any standards this is a measure of what you are... and the personal nature of the whole write...