Lurking in the darkness

Just a little piece I have had the idea of writing about for a long time, but have not got round to writing. Until now. Let me know what you think and, if you have any suggestions, names for it.

As he gazed down the foggy road he began to wonder how he came to this point. He was only 18, yet, he had seen things which nobody should have seen. Let alone someone as young as himself.

In his 18 short years of existence he had seen things which veterans of war would have nightmares about. This did not bother him though. This was the life he knew. The only life he knew. His life.

He strode down the road, limping, playing the events of the past year in his mind, contemplating why. Why these events unfolded the way in which they had. And thinking, as he often did, of what his life may be like if he had grown up in the way a normal Western boy from Connecticut should.

He was not always like this. He was a normal child. With normal friends. A normal family life. He was ordinary. The type of child who was achieving a 3.3 GPA. Filling in college applications. He had a flair for computers and wanted to study games design. Crushing on the girl next door, as many teenagers did. But that life was far behind him now. So very far. Even if he wanted to, he could not return back to his normal self.

The year was 2012. He was driving back home from school. As his Chevvy truck that he had saved up for since he was 13 came rolling up the drive, he exited the vehicle. Collected his books and threw his bag onto his left shoulder, as he always did at this time on a week-day. He came to the front door to unlock it with his keys. As soon as he inserted them into the lock he noticed a small drop of blood on he handle that was not there this morning. Nothing out of the ordinary though. His dad owned his own company which was doing very well, despite the recession, so his mother had no need to work. As this was the case, she often spent her time taking care of the gardens. Her motto was “The first impression anyone has about your home is the moment they look at your garden”. So, a drop of blood here and there didn't seem out of the ordinary.

As he swung the door open he shouted “Mom! I'm home!” and proceeded to his bedroom to get a start on filling in more college applications. He did this on a daily basis. So far he had applied to several colleges where there was a chapter of the ΣΧ (Sigma Chi) fraternity, as this was the fraternity in which his father belonged to. He wanted to make his father proud and this was his way of showing his father that he wanted to carry on the tradition.

It came to six thirty in the afternoon and he was starting to get hungry. Knowing his father would not be back at any time before 8 in the evening he decided to grab a snack from the kitchen. His mother must have been out as there was no sign of her. Weird, she normally informed him she was going to be out. He thought nothing of it, grabbed his snack and went to his room to carry on the chore of college applications.

It came to 11 at night and he had not been called down for his tea yet. He was so immersed in filling out application forms that he had forgotten about eating. He strode downstairs and still no sign of his mother or father. He grabbed his cell phone and called his father. “Hi, sorry I can't get to the phone right now but please leave your...”. Answering machine. He scrolled through his contacts and dialled his mother. “Hi, sorry I can't get to the phone right night but please leave your...”. Answering machine, again. He had no idea what was going on, and being so close to both his parents, his worry shot up wildly. This was really irregular, for both his parents. Neither was ever absent from the house without informing him. Yet, he had heard nothing from them since he left for school this morning.

His mind was blank. He didn't know what to do.

He took out his cell phone again, grabbed the family phone book and called round as many people as he could think of. His fathers company, his fathers friends, his mothers friends, neighbours; anyone. The response was either “We haven't seen them, sorry”, “Hi, sorry I can't get to the phone right now...” or “Do you know what time it is?!”.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think, it's a work in progress.

Reviews

[Savannah Hudgens]

Is this going to be a novel? Or just a short story? I think you should finish it then send me a read request and I'd love to critique it, but right now it feels too early to change anything. I like where it's going. I think with a little tweaking, it could flow a little smoother.

V.

[marty360]

Yeah, it could flow better, I've just not had time to work on it lately. Thanks for noticing though :-).
I have plans for both a novel and a short story, I shall send you it when I'm done, although it may be a while. Just have a few commitments on at the moment :-).

[Savannah Hudgens]

I understand completely *smiles* but please don't forget about this one. I think it'll be splendid.

[marty360]

Thank you :-). I shan't don't worry, I'm looking forward to finishing it :-)

[Luke Rawlings]

A really good intro.. it leaves room for building upon the character in the later story. You describe American culture quite well and you write in a really good style. The build up of the character is good. It has given me some ideas for my own writing.

Just a pointer, these sentences seemed a little jumbled and might need revising "his worry shot up wildly. This was really irregular, for both his parents. Neither was ever absent from the house without informing him. Yet, he had heard nothing from them since he left for school this morning."

[marty360]

Yeah I'm quite big on America so I know a hell of a lot more than the average Anerican, never mind average Brit :').
It's still a work in progress so all lines are succeptable to change but thank you for pointing out that particular line, I shall be working on this again soon.
Will give me something to do at the house in September :)

[quinfinn]

i think this is well written, and piques the interest. there is a little more background character development aching to be discovered but you tell the story well and make it engaging. nicely done....one note, "untitled" works get very little attention , merely for the reasons psychological...call it something, until you find a solid title.

[marty360]

Thanks for the comment, I shall :)