He Came In The Darkness

Inspired by the movie, 'The BookThief"

HE CAME IN THE DARKNESS

 

he came in the darkness

moved through the door though it be closed

he glided through the rooms until he found the right one

he stood by the child’s bed

his heart was heavy

oh how I hate this job, he cried to himself

he reached down and touched his hand to the child’s hot, flushed face

he felt her soul rise weightlessly toward the heavens

he let go a sigh of relief as he knew the child was no longer suffering

the child’s mother sat sleeping in a chair on the other side of the bed, a weary look on her face

he would be back for her later…

but not tonight

 

 

 

 

3/31/14

Author's Note

Thoughtful, honest reviews requested.

Reviews

[MomzillaNC]

So tragic and hinting of more tragedy to come… Very moving themes. Sharing the tragedy from Death's perspective gave it a great supernatural perspective.

NOTES: I recommend breaking your lines down into shorter lines for more poetic flow and to give more impact to your tragedy:

He came in the darkness
moved through the door
though it be closed
He glided through the rooms
until he found the right one
he stood by the child’s bed
His heart was heavy
oh how I hate this job,
he cried to himself
He reached down
and touched his hand
to the child’s hot, flushed face
He felt her soul
rise weightlessly
toward the heavens
He let go a sigh of relief
as he knew the child
was no longer suffering
The child’s mother sat sleeping
in a chair on the other side of the bed,
a weary look on her face
He would be back for her later…
but not tonight
 

[Listmaker]

Thank you, MomzillaNC. Now that's the kind of review I was looking for. Concrete suggestion for improvement from a writer I respect.

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. I'm honored you find my suggestions helpful.

[paul sal.....]

sad and positive at the same time, for the grim reaper, it's just a job,for me, it seams another door has opened

[RAOrourke]

Very moving poem, I think when I was reading this, it would have flowed better for me if the lines had been shortened. This sentence:
moved through the door though it be closed...I stumbled upon while reading it each time, I don't know if changing the be would help more? Moved through the door even though it was closed, or moved through the door though it was closed...something to help the flow out there would be better.
Overall I really like the depth of your poem and the emotions it evoked in me.