Finding the truth

The second chapter enjoy

      I allow for my thoughts to drift along.

      How? How can he be my father? Is that even possible? Well it can be because Kuff came into town a year after my father left. He still has the same eyes.

      I want to start to bawl but I am parralized. I am motionless and helpless. I try mant times to escape this dark abyss but every time I think his name I get engulfed back in.

      Kuff is my dad. My own flesh and blood. The thing I want to deystroy.

      Finally I beat the abyss and I am unaware of my surroundings. I woke up in an unfamiliar room, trying to remember what happened. I flutter my eyes open. In the backround there is annoying beeping which is giving me a migrane. I attempt to look up and see a blurry version of  a heart moniter.

Just then the doctor walks in and asks what happened. I just looked up like i was dazed and lost, because i didn’t know how to answer the question. He checked my vital signs and went into the other room. The doctor was having a converstion with another man. I tried to make out some of what they were saying, but I only got part of it.

      "……saying how can it be…… a sezire…. disorted…….lost mom." the doctor said

      "Can I see her?" an unfamiler velvet  voice of worry and pain said.

      The unknown man came in the next minute and he disrupted me trying to sleep.

      "Maria?" he said in a slow quiet whisper.

      I turn to see who it was. My eyes burned with acid because it was him. Also my eyes were burning with tears. He opened his mouth and I did not care for what he had to say to me. I turned away from his sickly face. I covered my ears with the feathery pillows to help drown out his evil swarm of lies.

      Well, that plan didn’t work. Kuff yanked away the pillow and then he threw it back at me. I tried to scream and get this person away from me but i couldn’t get the energy to scream.

      "Are you okay sweetie?" he asked tenderly in a fatherly voice.

      "No I am not because you left, mom committed suicide and I am stuck here looking at your ugly face." I say in a curt voice.

      He snapped back like I was about to bite him.

Apperently I had hit a nerve. I thought to myself.

      Sadness wiped across his face and my heart felt hollow. His eyes went back to a memory implanted and burned in my skull.    

      It was at the park, when they acuually existed. Dad was teaching me how to ride a bike. I didn’t want to but he made me. He promised me that he wouldn’t let go. I started to get the hang of it and then his warm slik hands hand dissappered. I crashed into the fence and broke my wrist, it got caught on a rusty chain. I screamed but he did not come right away, until tears came. He came running and i screamed at him on how much i trusted him and how he abandoned me, and how he promised not to do it again. He broke 2 promises.

      Impulsevly i rub the scar so he can see the scar and I flinch, even though it doesn’t hurt. I finch because a new set of hands is touching the purple mark. A new cold velvet set of hands is rubbing it soothing me and intoxicating me yet causing pain at the same time.

      I open my eyes and realize "dad" is the one who us rubbing it. I finch my hand back, but then I go back spiraling back into the dark abyss. I try to pull away but no success. My eyelids start to go into a spasm and the door swings open. "Dad" is rushed out when the doctors start CPR. The one who is pressing his lips against mine is doing it out of passion, instead of the job. I want to slap him and yell stop but I don’t. Not because I can't, but I don’t want him to stop.

      The last thing I hear before going under was my mothers voice.

      "Be strong Maria. Do it for me."

      “Mom don’t leave me stay with me take me with you!" I scream to myself. 

     

 

 

      I was hungry in the recovery room but they did not feed me to make sure I can keep down the water. A nurse, probably in her 20's with warm chocolate brown hair and blue eyes, the color of the ocean comes in to take my tempature.

      "You have a visitor, do you want him to see you." she says before leaving.

      I was to weak to say anything, because I want to save my energy for when I confront my guest. So I nod my head.

      Right then at that moment "dad" walks in and he looks really disorted, like he hasn’t slept in days.

      "Who are you?" I say before he is even steps into the room.

Reviews

[Kris]

I want to tell you something. Your sentence: “Also my eyes were burning with tears” feels hallow to me. The reason for this is that the word ‘also’ is a dead word. It has no real meaning, it really has no purpose. You don’t need that word to make that sentence complete.

I see that you are switching from present tense to past tense again--make sure you proofread your work so there are little to no mistakes in your final draft.

I see more typos/spelling errors like ‘acuually’ and ‘slik’ and ‘impusevly’ and grammar mistakes: ‘...my mothers voice’ (my mother’s voice). Please be sure that you are taking your time.

Be very careful when you are writing about flashbacks. When you write scenes involving something from the past, they have to be in relation to the story and they can not be sudden. When you abruptly introduce a piece of the past and you end it without a transition, you will snap your reader out of your world.

You are a great storyteller. Write and grow in the art of entering another world.

[Daydreamer54]

a sezire-seizure
i recommend typing this in Word before posting it, than way you can catch someof your spelling mistakes and such.

"No I am not because you left, mom committed suicide and I am stuck here looking at your ugly face." I say in a curt voice.-no I am not because mom commited suicide thanks to you...

[DeliriousCerises]

I liked this chapter, learning just how big of a grudge she has held onto her father. I didn't get the doctor passion thing, but I definitely understand the feelings toward her father. Onto the next one!