Tear stains

Walking into the classroom with tears stains

on her porcialn skin, delecate and fragile

no one bothers to ask if she is ok

she found out that her mother died

 

She is in class, loseing focus

day by day

dissconnecting with the world

dullness is takeing over

 

She losses interest

no more clubs

fakes a smile

though she is dying on the inside

 

She puts on a mask

so her father doesnt worry

She starts to draw blood

dripping blood, trying to lose pain

 

It doesn't work

She feels more pain

So she takes

some of here mothers pills

 

she is found in a bathtub

covered in blood

with tear stains

on her cheeks

 

If only someone would care

Reviews

[Me]

Splendidly done! Superb construction

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

I love this a lot, the emotional pain, heartbreak... very good poem. Such emotion is felt in this write. Enjoyed.

[A Soap Mess Stories]

so sad...for those to feel as if no one cares....

[Angelic_Dreamer]

a little bit scary at the very end but awesome at the same time. It has everything that makes me want to read another poem of yours. Keep up the awesome writing!!:)

[G!o]

Wow i can really feel you in this. Great way of channeling out what you are going through...your work is just "lovely"...

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

This is really deep and I like it because I can somehow see the side of you that you're trying to let everyone see! Sometimes writing from the "dark" side of us is a difficult task, but you had it down quite well. There are some minor mistakes that if they were edited would make this poem even better. I'm not going to go into detail with the mistakes, since the other comments below has taken care of that. Again, well done :)

Ashley Rivers-- Dream BIG and you'll win BIG:)

[Leslie Philibert]

I like this, but you need to check the spelling. Just take more time and simply use a dictionary or google, I would be a shame if you spoil good work with mistakes that can be checked. I don`t always spell well, I just take time and check it.
The poem is fine, full of good ideas and language, good work,

[MusicLover]

It was suppose dot be like that. From the girls point of veiw she was too depressed to even care about what she loves

[F.P. Chat]

First of all I don't need to write it again, Nightsade has underlined the misspelling.
Apart from this, this piece is very dark and emotional. I like the writing, don't like the story behind it, but unfortunately it's true...we meet thousands of people to find one that would care. Keep up the good work...

[Nightshade]

The cry of many girls unfortunately in today's world - I like how you progress through each stage she goes through. Clearly a sign of some deep hidden emotion, but no one asks why. Interesting...

There are a few misspelled words here and there:

"...on her porcialn skin, delecate and fragile..." it should be: on her porcelain skin, delicate and fragile

"...She is in class, loseing focus..." = loseing should be losing

"....dissconnecting with the world..." = disconnecting with the world

"...dullness is takeing over..." = dullness is taking over

Make sure you put apostrophe's in the line "so her father doesnt worry" (doesn't) and "some of her mothers pills" (mother's)

It's sad how it ends, because someone could have prevented it...

Well done

[MusicLover]

It was suppose dot be like that. From the girls point of veiw she was too depressed to even care about what she loves

[afra]

such a dark write ...well done