Gone

I really like the way my words flowed into this piece, and it earnestly hold a lot of personal meaning to me. Can you guess the situation I was in that inspired me to write this? :)

Gone

with the falling of a tear,

the echo of a slamming door,

the silent shattering of a heart,

 

you walk away

from my life

from your promises

from the hope of what we would become.

 

I watch you fall

into broken dreams

into your selfish needs

into the hell you’ve created.

 

You separate

from who you once were

from the reality you’ve destroyed

from the pain that you’ve caused.

 

Talk

to yourself, since no one wants to listen

to the shadow of only person that used to care

to the walls, just to tell your story.

 

Wonder

if things could ever be the same

if you have the willpower to change

if you could give up the fantasy you’ve been living in.

 

Give in

to the truth, staring you down.

to the people who have always cared, who needed you

to the reasons for what you’ve done.

 

Fix

the broken hearts, mend your promises

your ideas of reality

the monster inside, bury it deep, you have control.

Reviews

[BriAnna Wyble]

what a unique and captivating write! you definitely have your own style, which is greatly appreciated! i love this :) keep writing, you have great talent for it, lol. :)

[Ronn Michael Salinas]

interesting. positive outlook.

[stars are far]

this was good ..

[Luke Ritta]

very good poem...great work.....loved the line 'I watch you fall
into broken dreams'

[An owl on the moon]

What a stunning write, feeling the separation and the anxiety of a life slipping away... We must face our monsters inside, buried there, and yes.. learn to control their destructive work in our lives. Powerful.

[LittleMissSunshine :)]

Actually, Daniel, in this piece I was mainly referring to the time in which my mother left me and my father so she could "sort herself out"... I later discovered that she was having an online affair... But she winded up majorly changing for the better, and coming back home. This piece represents all the emotions behind her choices, and my guess of what sne was feeling, as well...

[Daniel Thomas Andrew Da..]

Like a poem of well intentioned advice. It didn't seem to identify any particular topic to address, but rather principles of self help in a sense. Because of that I thought it was a little vague over all. But a solid enough effort and it is interesting. Well done. Daniel

[Legacy]

LittleMissSunshine :),

Obviously not many people read your bio... ;)

IMO -

You have created a fantastic topic with loads of emotion, anger, and fault. No mystery as per the subject or the kind of person they are. Great job.

You have used single words as your bases for each stanza, creative.

You have taken the first word and repeated it over and over until that stanza is complete. (I used my example here of what I mean.) Do not get me wrong, I appreciated everyone’s unique artistic talent, I am glad I do not see robot writes where every poem has lost my visual stimulation. Kind of, like the repetition here, you are an AWESOME writer; you need to glue that one to your forehead. I enjoy your work Sunshine, keep being unique, and bear in mind that no matter what I think of the repetition, there are more people out there that love that style. THEREFORE, KEEP EXPLORING, EXPERIMENTING, and MAKING NOISE; it is beautiful to be yourself.

You have given us a place of pondering, not to mention a place to vent our own poison


Bravo-Bravo.

Praying your bio was honest,

Legacy

[Ky]

Wow you could almost feel the subject drawing away and then coming back. Well done

[sarah]

This is a really great write! wow this is amazing I love it the emotions of this were amazing great write!