Grabbed, Stolen, Crushed

Thought the world was beautiful
Thought the skies were always blue
Thought the sun would keep shining through
But everything changed when there was you

You touched my heart and stole my soul
You grabbed the happiness and replaced with tears
You gave promises and sealed vows
But you crushed my only heart into pieces

It was nothing that I had ever dreamed
As I watched myself dying slowly
I never thought I would be so stupid
To kill myself for the uncertainty...

Reviews

[Rachel DeHart]

There are a lot of really good lines in this.
"I never thought I would be so stupid
To kill myself for the uncertainty..."

"You gave promises and sealed vows"

But also some really awkward bits,
Like with this line,
"But everything changed when there was you"
maybe consider replacing "when" with "once"?

All in all, I enjoyed the idea of this poem
Thanks for sharing.
:]

[Marquise de Ville]

Hi Ryder, thanks for the compliment.

And to Rachel, thank you for that too..I'll try to improve. I still have a lot to learn from the writers here =)

[Noah]

Excellent write.

"You touched my heart and stole my soul"

Nice line.