S(un)set

Is it too much to ask to
exist in your moonlight
for a few minutes?
Allow my shadow to experience
the settling of dawn beside yours.
Unsettling as that may be for you

Is it too much to ask?

For your tears to be faithful for once
and not fall for any other man except me.
For your friendship to not feel like
some 2nd place sympathy.
These days people hardly
remember first place.

This relationship has ran
it's course, but you have
hardly broken a sweat.

Just to stand on the podium with you

I struggle for third, breathing heavily.

You used to reference my stress to
premature ventricular contractions.

But you know my heartbeat.
It used to beat like the drum of
an Apache warrior.
Now its beats like the drums played
for fallen soldiers...

So many souls lost fighting for
a non existing cause.
On some small levels we can relate.
You know the complexion of my true soul.
I just wish you could still see it.

The taste of adultery
on your breath is sickening so

its harder to swallow the truth

of our situation
Yet I continue to nurse
your guilt to full recovery.
I do my part although its
a degrading one.

And all I ask is to just
exist in your moonlight
for a few minutes
Allow my shadow to experience
the settling of dawn beside yours.
Is that too much to ask?

Perhaps it may be...
So I'll continue to miss your moonlight

and pretend to be sleeping

while the sun sets.

Author's Note

thank you kristen for the help :)

Reviews

[Clarisse Nanoit]

I guess it is...
So I'll continue to miss your moonlight
and pretend to be sleeping
while the sun sets

I like that ending. Really great poem. I think most ppl can relate to this feeling--like they're holding on to something they can't have. I certainly know the feeling. The only suggestion I have (besides checking over for typos, cuz there are some) is this poem is filled with beautiful imagery throughout. It sets a tone, and then the first line of the last stanza is "I guess it is..." which I think is contrary to the overall tone. I would say something more along the lines of "Perhaps it may be..." or something. But it's a lovely poem. Great wording. Great poem.
KH

[fliptheskript]

Very moving with so many great lines. Can relate to your writing on different levels

[REALIZE]

The ending put it all in perspective I hear this poem out loud just reading it. You open up nicely and guide us in through out. I waited for the next word each time I read through it.

[Jon]

Good flow, i like how long you kept it going, comming in second place is never easy, been there once or twice. Great job:D

[QuietPoet]

Wow, very deep write. You did an outstanding job on this write. I felt your saddness and emotions. You had great expression also. Great job.

[Tracie Skarbo]

wow... I love this. There are so many great lines in this piece...like:

The taste of adultery
on your breath is sickening so

its harder to swallow the truth

of our situation

Great emotion throughout!

[Global Norskie]

I agree with the reviewer below. The imagery is very cleverly implemented. Loved the message. Great job!

[*~Poetic_Essence~*]

I love the imagery throughout this piece...I am still in pure amusement. I love your words they flow well together and they don't seem forced at all, I love the beginning stanza of your poem,especially the part where you are begging for existence...even after all of the faults of the other person you still compare her to the moonlight...
'The taste of adultery on your breath is sickening...' that is another favorite line of mine...I think we all experience this type of betrayal sometime during our lives. It is painful but it only helps us grow as a person.

I really enjoyed the read...
Well From One Word-Play Poet To The Next...Always Remember To write With Your Heart!