Mother

Please tell me if this poem makes sense to you...I wrote it after two days with very little sleep, and while it makes perfect sense to me, I'm not sure if the general public really "gets it".

Mother says to find Yourself �"

Not hard to do--the crooked elf

 

Is leering high on Mother’s shelf.

Collecting dust with ol’ Myself.

 

Mother says to just be You.

 As if she wrote her own “how-to”

 

She’ll scoff with Me upon her view

Two shelf-strewn lovers, molding blue.

 

Mother says be true to Me

Or love Myself, or look and see�"

 

That only You can aim to free

Yourself from lost identity.

 

…

Mere words can cause a girl to stress

Afraid to fail her mother's test 

of standards that should have been compressed 

Now fragile boundaries are transgressed

Shattered, left in all the mess

is a girl who tries her very best

Hoping her mother will attest 

To the crime of causing much distress...

Mother's shelf that once oppressed

Her daughter's heart is put to rest...

By smashing and stomping 'til nothing's left.

 

Watching her daughter wipe off the mess

She smiles hearing, "I am the best"

 

Reviews

[ATG]

A very amusing and interesting read. It flowed very well and the word choice was excellent.

[tekphobik]

This reminds me of the old saying that advice you hear is advice that people had wished they had been told themselves. It's fun to see the contradiction of advice/lifestyle, and I think you've achieved something here that's got a unique style and voice to it. It's not often I only say words of praise instead of pointing out how to improve, but this piece is well done and needs no criticism except your own. Write more.

[Vinyl Affair]

I understood this, all of it. It made sense to me, it spoke to me. It may not be seen by others, but it is seen by me, as the text speaks to my heart.

[Flo_writer]

At first I though this was a doll on a shelf, but as i went on I became unsure. Maybe you can tell me. Besides the uncertainty my favorite kind of poetry is one that rhymes so no problems there. The flow is good and I think the confusion contributes to me enjoying it more. I read it twice trying to figure out exactly what it was about.