OPEN WIDE

 

Jagged lines of avid lust, set bloody in her eyes 

Humanity is ground to dust; hate alone within her eyes

 

I tug at hair and ease my lips upon her shaking skin

A girl with abandoned trust�" with panic in her eyes

 

She fears not death for she is dead, her soul: a pile of decay

A faded smile pervert with rust: no tears fall from her eyes

 

A forceful push against the wall, her body tense and firm and tight.

A fervent heart, sure to combust�"and she begins to close her eyes

 

Those bloodshot baby-blues pierce holes into my smitten gut

I leak black blood of the unjust, no strand of mercy in her eyes

 

Her beauty had teased me all night long, I tell her---this is your fault

I whisper not to make a fuss�"a silent promise within her eyes

 

I am Sam and I have a message: Sir, please do beware

An older sister will do what she must�"OPEN WIDE will be my eyes.

Author's Note

this is a Ghazal, hence the awkward rhyme schemes and whatnot. I really appreciate the use of the refrain--it really helps to stress a point. Enjoy and please do tell me what you think <3

Reviews

[R J Askew]

I've never heard of Ghazal, thougth it might be a sonnet at first glance. I love it that you experiment with forms.

[MoriartyMesa]

The chess game of nature is what I took this for, one move could be the wrong move, not thinking a head, Queen takes Knight.

[Eagle Cruagh]

It`s raw, unconventional and interesting.
Gets down to the meat in a hurry
and sucks you dry of emotion.
"This is the definition of poetry.
----- John

[GTVile]

I liked the rhyme scheme (which I am admittedly unfamiliar with) for its effect. Its odd repetition flowed well with the subject matter, which a more concise and cohesive rhyme form may have taken away from. I can appreciate your eye for making the meter match the mood. Sextacular.

[The Analog Kid]

Wow...pretty good job with that rhyme scheme. Filled with emotion and passion.

[Antonio Valentino]

very dramatic and dynamic.. much to take in.. it was like a puzzle of emotion that was missing that one piece..

very enjoyable!
:)

[Coyote Poetry]

Wow is the emotion create by this poem. I could feel the emotion and the anger in the words. I like the way you use the language. Make the reader want to read and know more. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Rip the cowdog]

YOUR TYPE OF WRITING HAS' STRENGTH ', AND GROWS ON THE READER MORE AND MORE, EACH TIME IT IS READ THROUGH ...NICE WORK......

[Harmonica winds]

Such aan emotional read here, this is a tugger. I loved the rhyme scheme and flow, amazing write

[Seshat Nidaba]

You tugged at my heart-strings!

1. A girl with abandoned trust" with panic in her eyes
oh and
2. A forceful push against the wall, her body tense and firm and tight
and splendidly:
3. Her beauty had teased me all night long, I tell her---this is your fault