questions

lesbian, straight, bi? Labels are lame

I have called myself a lesbian for 7 years now. I’ve been in numerous relationships with same sex partners, been a part of the gay community and generally shown pride at associated events. People have asked me to share my coming out story, how I told my parents, my friends, when did I know I was a lesbian. I have always answered these truthfully. As a 20 year old I remember referring to myself as ‘pretty gay’ as I hated the idea of a label for life. Yet this label business became easier as I got older. Easier to put a name to myself and recognize my sexuality as lesbian. Sexuality is a fluid thing, changing and moving, never still. In saying that some people do just know that they prefer the opposite or the same sex. But what about the non-labels. The ones who do not know.  Bi sexual? I hate that term, it has so many negative connotations connected to it. I know that this isn’t a good thing to be thinking and feeling, especially as I consider myself an open minded and supportive person. Maybe it is the label again. The label of being equally attracted to both male and females and having no idea where your life will lead you. At least when you identify as one or the other it is a definite thing. I am a lesbian, life will be hard sometimes as I explain myself to idiots. I am straight, life will be straight forward and predictable.

There have been 2 men that I have met recently and been attracted to. Which is probably more confusing for me than when I first kissed a girl. I feel as if I am betraying my community, like I am conforming to something that I don’t believe in. I have spent all this time being comfortable in my own skin and forming a support network of like-minded people that this common thing of being attracted to the opposite sex has hit me like a truck. I attempt to carry on as normal, going to town and the gay bars, texting potential female partners. But it’s always there in my mind. What if, who am I? Have I reached a point in my life where I want children, and therefore am attracted to who I feel can give me that. I know that I want kids and that I have been thinking about it lately. Maybe it is that the men my age have finally matured and I enjoy there company. If that’s the case, was it a phase, has everything in my life up to now just been a way of killing time while I wait for the perfect man? Even the thought of that makes my heart ache. I’ve been through a break up and heartache recently, maybe I am just trying something new? Sick of all the bullshit associated with lesbians and subconsciously moved my attentions to the simple relationship between a man and a woman. Where everything is natural and no one questions your every move.

Reviews

[Diana Dion 3]

Yeah life is not normally black and white. I can understand your fear of labeling, but sometimes that helps to "normalize" the uncertainty.

Thanks for sharing that story. Would you mind clicking on my profile and reading my "Dirty Little Secret" piece? It's the only thing I've posted so far. Thanks!

[Rayree Parker]

My heart goes out to you ... My lady of 10 years mother of our perfect twin 2 year olds my soul mate love of my life has recently decided that she is more attracted to women than she thought ... She always has been and we shared that appreciate the beatuiy only a woman has .. But she has been so confused by her feelings I have just seen first hand how confusing it is and what it does to someone struggling with what sex they are attracted to . I hope h find your way with out judgement or and bullshit un-uderstanding to make it harder on you take care of u much love a man that acually understands lol :)

[marker_c]

Thanks, that is pretty hard. Life is never black and white I guess :)