Robin Hood and the Conservative Peasant

Robin Hood, known for stealing from the rich & giving to the poor, meets resistance. Some peasants weren't fond of his wealth redistribution schemes.

Robin Hood and The Conservative Peasant

 

 

Peasant: So you take from the rich and give to the poor?

 

Robin Hood: That’s right.

 

Peasant: And you live in the woods?

 

Robin Hood: Yes, with Friar Tuck and the boys.

 

Peasant: All guys, huh?

 

Robin Hood: Maid Marian is my girlfriend…in case you were wondering. Our little group helps the poor. You look familiar…didn’t I recently give you and your family some gold or clothing?

 

Peasant: Yes, and I’m thankful, but…

 

Robin Hood: But what?

 

Peasant: Aren’t you really creating dependency? I mean…all we do now is sit around and wait for you to bring us the booty. No one is working.

 

Robin Hood: …

 

Peasant:  I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but the items you stole and gave my family belonged to my employer. I got laid off after that. 

 

Robin Hood: Can’t you live off the treasures I bring to you?  I steal from rich dukes and earls to help give you and the other peasants a good life?

 

Peasant: It’s okay for awhile, I guess, but what if we want to work and earn more? Many of us would rather work than sit around and wait for your deliveries. No offense, Mr. Hood.

 

Robin Hood: None taken. I must admit it gives me such pleasure to see the expressions on your faces when I enter with royal plunder.

 

Peasant: Makes you feel good about yourself, huh?

 

Robin Hood: (confused expression)Yes…

 

Peasant: Uh-huh.

 

Robin Hood: I also like seeing the shocked faces of the dukes, earls, kings and potentates when I catch them unawares.

 

Peasant: Were you aware that an earl’s salary can’t even buy a decent home these days? Most of our local businesses were run by earls. 

 

Robin Hood: I thought the earls lived in castles with chests full of gold and jewelry and did not work.

 

Peasant: That’s a myth.  Have you heard about the rash of suicides in the past year?  Earls.

 

Robin Hood: You’re not blaming me, are you?

 

Peasant: Well…

 

Robin Hood: Perhaps I should confine my raids to the super-rich, the dukes and kings.

 

Peasant: That’s your call, but remember, the kings and dukes play a role, too. They invest in the businesses run by the earls, so by targeting them, you’re indirectly impacting the earls and in turn the peasants whom you’re trying to help.

 

Friar Tuck: (runs up, out-of-breath) Robin, the men are ready to converge on the Duke of  Somerset.  Should I give them the go-ahead?

 

Robin Hood: (hesitates) Do we know if the Duke is connected to any businesses that employ peasants in the local area?

 

Friar Tuck (puzzled look) I’m not sure. We know he’s got a chest of gold in an out-building behind his castle. 

 

Robin Hood: Is it guarded?

 

Friar Tuck: Not well, a couple of sentries.

 

Robin Hood: Okay, it’s a go.

 

Peasant: Good luck.

 

Robin Hood: Thank you kind sir, and I’ll take your advice into consideration. Here’s a gold nugget. (tosses the nugget to the peasant)

 

Peasant: (catching the gold nugget, shakes his head) Yeah, thanks for nothing.