Coyote in Therapy

When Wile E. Coyote seeks help for depression, leave it to Road Runner to derail the process!

Coyote In Therapy

Therapist: Mr. Coyote, is it?  Wile E. Coyote?

 

WC: (nods affirmatively)

 

Therapist: I see from the information you’ve filled out that you’re experiencing some depression.

 

WC:  (nods affirmatively)

 

Therapist: I realize you can’t talk, so I have a small dry-erase board you can use.

 

WC: (writes on board) THANKS

 

Therapist: What symptoms have you been experiencing?

 

WC: DON’T ENJOY THINGS

 

Therapist: Anything in particular come to mind?

 

WC: CHASING ROAD RUNNER

 

Road Runner: (listening outside the window, smiles) Beep beep!

 

Therapist:  I understand you’ve tried any number of ways to catch him to no avail. Does your depression stem from this lack of success?  Or does the chase itself simply lack the thrill it once held?

 

WC: CHASE

 

Therapist: I notice on your history form you listed some of the ways you’ve tried to catch him: rockets, rocket shoes, dynamite, iron carrot, boomerang, giant rubber band, TNT,  anvil, dehydrated boulders. You haven’t lacked in creativity…dehydrated boulders?

 

WC: (smiling) JUST ADD WATER

 

Therapist: It also indicates here that you’ve sustained a number of injuries in the process: concussions, burns, limb injuries, and many of them from explosive accidents.

 

WC: TNT

 

Therapist: Do you think if you’d ever have caught this road runner that it would have made a difference in your life?

 

WC:  MAYBE

Therapist: So it’s the chase more than the actual catching?

 

WC: YES

 

Therapist: Have you ever had any thoughts of self-harm?

 

WC:  YES

 

Therapist: Have you acted on any of these thoughts?

 

WC: ONCE ANVIL

 

Therapist: You’re not thinking of suicide right now are you?

 

WC:  NO

 

Therapist: I’m going to send you to Dr. Schwartz for a medication evaluation.  He will most likely put you on an anti-depressant. You don’t have any medication allergies, do you?

 

WC: NO

 

Therapist: Here is a referral slip.  See the receptionist and she’ll schedule you for a follow-up.

 

WC: (Exits office through the waiting room area, a tear running down his snout. He pretends not to notice the Road Runner sitting in one of the waiting room chairs) 

 

Receptionist: (calls out) Mr. Runner.  Mr. R. Runner.

 

RR: (gets up and goes to the front desk) Beep beep.

 

Receptionist: The doctor will see you now.

 

RR:  Beep beep. (Races into the doctor’s office that Mr. Coyote just left)

 

Therapist: Take a seat Mr. Runner.

 

WC: (stealthily slips back to the therapist’s office and holds a gun to Road Runner’s head…then accidently drops the gun which falls on his toe firing a bullet which penetrates his snout at the mid-point)

 

Therapist: I have to call the police now, Mr. Coyote. You realize that, don’t you?

 

WC:  (Nods head which is pouring blood)

 

RR: Beep beep. (bounds out the door)