The Ninja Emails

What would you do if your thirteen year old was a ninja warrior who threatened to kill anyone who crossed him in dramatic fashion?

THE NINJA EMAILS

 

 

Dear Mr. & Mrs Groden:

    Daniel has been acting out in class again this week.  He will do his work for awhile then suddenly jump up and assume what looks like a karate stance while staring at various classmates. Some are intimidated, others are annoyed, but most of all it disrupts my class period. A few of the other boys have taken it out on Daniel during gym period in ways that are suspicious but hard to catch and punish. Also, we’ve asked him to talk to you about trimming his index fingernail; he has refused to let the school nurse touch him and the nail looks to be at least five inches in length. District policy prevents us from forcing him to clip it and it doesn’t fall under any school suspension rule either. When I brought it to his attention yesterday he said this: “Severing a carotid artery is sweet.”

Sincerely,

Miss Watters

 

 

 

Dear Miss Watters:

    Thank you for the update.  We’ve also been trying to get him to cut that fingernail. Our plan now is to clip it at night while he’s sleeping, however we do worry about threats he’s made if we try this approach. Daniel has trained himself in the art of the ninja warrior which I’ve come to understand includes being able to sleep with one eye open. With his constant state of readiness we’re unable to sneak up on him. Also his dad and I are afraid he might follow through with his threats to either report us to child welfare or kill us in  “dramatic fashion.”  All this ninja business he found on YouTube, by the way. His therapist calls it  delusional thinking; that Daniel isn’t  pretending  but actually believes he is a ninja.

 

Take Care,

Mr. & Mrs. Groden

 

 

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Groden:

    Yesterday we found a metal star in Daniel’s locker. We confiscated it and sent him to the Vice Principal’s office.  At first we thought it was some kind of badge, but Daniel told us it was a “cool ninja weapon” so we gave him in-house suspension per school regulations regarding weapons on campus. Another concern: earlier in the week I caught him eating dirt on the kickball field.  I realize many kids in the lower grades are guilty of this from time to time, but  Daniel is 13, well past the dirt-eating developmental stage. When I asked him about it he said he was “tasting the soil for salt from the sweat of my enemies.” Are you privy to any enemies that Daniel might have? Is there a bullying problem that we’re not aware of? We try to stay on top of this; ironically bullying is this year’s school-awareness theme. All Daniel would tell me is that “a ninja never names names, he just get revenge.”  I just reminded him about our school policy on weapons, threats and violence. 

 

Sincerely,

Miss Watters

 

  

 

Dear Miss Watters:

 

    We intercepted a note we think Daniel had intended to send to you.  We’ve already grounded him for it, reminding him that he is just a kid, not a ninja; of course he is fully convinced to the contrary. FYI, we haven’t had the psychiatrist visit yet; he had to reschedule us for next week.  Here is the note:

 

Ninjas are totally awesome. Killing at will is sweet! With an arsenal of darts, spikes, swords and stars, I fear no man or woman. Swift death awaits anyone who pisses me off! The element of surprise makes the ninja warrior an awesome killing machine! So if you think suspensions will stop me, think again! Revenge is sweet, especially with a cross-blade spike! Hell yeah!

 

    I realize he didn’t mention any names, but we wanted to give you a heads up. We’ve confiscated all the weaponry  we could find, a lot of which he’d hidden under his mattress. We know that one more suspension and he will have to be home-schooled; we do hope it doesn’t come to that. As you know, socialization with peers is so important for healthy child development these days.

 

Sincerely,

Mr. & Mrs. Groden