Interview with Hitler's Mother

An interview with Hitler's mother reveals early signs of his hatred and beverage preferences.

Interview With Hitler’s Mother 

 

-Mrs. Hitler, we’re trying to determine what went wrong with your son. We’re looking for anomalies that may have occurred during Adolf’s childhood. The psychological sciences might provide us with some answers so that we might prevent another…well, you know…Holocaust.

 

-Whatever you want to know is fine. I’ll be glad to answer any questions. The Hitlers have always been fans of science and scientific experiments.

 

-I’ve read that.

 

-Would you like some coffee?

 

-No thanks. Okay, to start with, was Adolf breast-fed?

 

-Yes, he loved the breast. And you know I wasn’t surprised when he chose Eva Braun as his mate considering her ample bosom.

 

-This is good…this is helpful. 

 

-Adolf was only bottle-fed as a punishment, because he loved to suck the breast and cried when it was withheld. He was given juice in bottles for bad behavior. For some reason he just hated juice, so we knew it was a proper punishment.

 

-Now we’re getting somewhere. What would be an example of an early misdeed or something that might have prompted the juice-bottle punishment?

 

-Let’s see…he might not use the toilet properly, or he might break dishes.

 

-(scribbling on his notepad) Hmmm. Arrested development, toileting stage. And the punishment administered was juice in a bottle. 

 

-Bottles of juice, yes. First we would imprison Adolf in his room for days with only the juice bottle, nothing else. I realize this is very strict, even for German families, but we wanted to exterminate bad behaviors.

 

-(scribbling furiously) Imprisonment…Extermination.

 

-And ever since childhood, he’s hated the juice. He loved breast milk, but he grew to hate the juice more and more.

 

-He hated the juice?

 

-His hatred of  the juice was unbounded. 

 

-…

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is quite an intelligent satire...
fiction that reads believable...
part of it reminded me of Rodney Dangerfield saying "i was breast fed by my father, my mother said she just liked me as a friend"----

j.

[Mark George]

Thanks Jacob! I'm a Dangerfield fan, too.

[alanwgraham]

This is great Mark. You have rightly dug into Hitlers childhood to explain what he became (although I realise it's fictional. Your tongue in cheek humour works really well and your reference to hating the juice is brilliant (although I'll admit to only picking it up on second reading). I've just written a very similar piece called 'Nero fiddles while Rome burns' that you might enjoy.
All the best,
Alan

[Mark George]

Thank you so much!

[Samuel Dickens]

Ohhhh... kay. This is twisted but very clever. If one dares, it's funny, too.

[Mark George]

I really appreciate those kind words.