WHAT TEXAS DON'T LACK

My response to a friends' challenge to write something wholly outside my experience frame--I selected a hip-hop tune--YIKES!

WHAT TEXAS DON’T LACK

It gets hot, mighty hot, on the road in east Texas

It sho affects us

Whinin’ in my beer while I’m ridin in my Lexus

 

And when the sun don’t shine

Den the tornados whine

And I wonder, Lawd I wonder, Where’s the sense that was mine?

 

I be utterly lost

I done counted the cost

Tradin’ hurricanes for ‘naders, all my brains mus’ been tossed!

 

This ain’t no sort of life fo’ a transplanted Cajun!

My soul is ragin’!

Get me some etoufee, some crawdad; don’t need occasion!

De barbecue is good, yah, but hell, what else you got??

Barbecue dry? Barbecue wet? Barbecue mild or hot?

 

I miss me some gumbo!

Fix me a jumbo

Bowl,

with crawdads whole,

and a crusty French roll!

Some andouille jambalaya

To set my mouth on fire

It gets me higher!

Some Cajun, Creole cookin’ is fo’ what I aspire!

 

Wind up da meal wid a hot beignet

Or maybe I ‘druther Bananas Foster, flambé?

Quench all dat heat

Wid something’ sweet

Or a shot of absinthe, neat?

 

But my favorite dessert Commander’s Palace can’t beat!

She’s in the next room,

It’s dark as a tomb!

And she got what it takes to make my heart ZOOM!

 

And I call her Annette,

Got her off the Internet!

Both spicy, and still sweet; my fave dish, you bet!

 

So when I’m in tha kitchen

And I’m for my Cajun bitchin’

It helps to remember for what I’m really itchin’!

 

So for all Texas lacks,

I would never go back

All I really need’s right here, asleep in the back!

 

(oomph-ahh-da boomph-oomph- ahh!) Mark’s out!

 

Author's Note

(Author’s note: Annette and I are, alas, no more, but
the poem is still good, at least as good as an old white
man CAN write a hip-hop tune, anyway!)

Reviews

[Sunni Davis]

Very creative and well written. I'm not a bug fan of hip-hop but I like this alot.

[Becky C Strukamp]

A most delightful poem. I love the way you penned it complete with the raw language. It brought life to your characters. Amazing!! I enjoyed the structure.

[Umar Hassan]

This gives me a little insight in to why you enjoyed "Intercessory". You've got a very good sense of humor, often alliteratively displayed. Enjoyed this!

[David Lewis Paget]

Love the humour in this, Mark. Quite unexpected, I must admit, but put a smile on my face.

[emmajoy]

Wonderful fun, wonderful meter .. you're just too much. Not sure how long it took you to write, seeing it's outside your usual comfort zone, but it certainly paid off .. a really enjoyable ride and a mouthwatering feast!

[Nobody.]

this reader agrees.
my solution:
I call all dem Cajun cousins,
and dey drive over,
and we have us a Cochon De Lait,
wid a lil bit of a crawfish boil,
and mawmaw fries up some alligata tail
wit her own lil lagniappe.

mmm mmm good.

[An owl on the moon]

This was a thrilling ride through Texas! Thank you for not only creating the stunning rhythms and rhymes, but for everything Southern that just sings!