What Does Femininity Mean To You?

An essay of sorts, composed in answer to a challenge i found on another site.

    Well, so far all the respondents to this blog have been women...Does no man have the stonage to define what a male's views on "What Constitutes Femininity" are? I'll give 'er a shot...though I am well-prepared to be challenged, more than congratulated!

 

    Let us dispose with the obvious: Most men like either an enormous butt (because of it's proximity to The Holy Land) or enormous b***s (I think that stems from insecurity, a sort of mother-fixation). And while well-turned curves, flowing smoothly one into the next are by no means appalling to me, neither are they the essence of Femininity. None of my adult relationships (and there have been but five) were astonishingly beautiful--EXTERNALLY--but all had reservoirs of beauty of spirit and manner that I never thoroughly plumbed during their stay with me. SO: while a nice body is definitely an asset (no coarse joke intended), it is an extra, an appendage, a bonus, and far from the whole package.

 

    Neither do the trappings and upholstery of womankind elicit my devotion. I was really astonished to see how many women wrote of their devotion to and dedicated passion to the various paints, powders, unguents and apparels which so predominate among those who seek their femininity externally. These, to me, are the camouflage that conceal the insecuities of women who doubt their ability to be appealing without them.

 

    No, to me a woman is irresistible (and here is where I expect my comments may draw your ire, if not your fire!) who is sufficiently strong to know that she does not need any of that claptrap: to meet my eye and smile slightly, but then to break contact--it's not a staring match after all, nor is it a contest of wills. This suggests an intelligence intelligent enough to realize that women are FAR AND AWAY  the stronger sex, and knowing that, needs not compete with me to prove it. It is precisely because MEN know that TOO that Society has evolved to keep Womankind repressed. For yours is the MOST important job of all: that of rearing stable and emotionally healthy persons to occupy the next generation, teaching them that their own innate value is NOT wrapped up in the size of their paychecks or how many people they subjugated today, but rather whether thay have improved anybody's life today. The Hunter-Gatherers' principle function is to enable her in her's, I feel. A child learns FAR more of worth from his Mother than from his Father. This is not a popular viewpooint in this day and age, but I ask you: has the Society as a whole--it's Morality, it's Prospects, it's Economy, it's Stability, ANYTHING--improved in the fifty-five years since WWII when women first entered the workplace en masse?

 

    So. This little reply has devolved into something of a rant, and I apologize for that. What I started out to say is that the need to compete is a Male trait, and Women who embrace that lifestyle choice have perforce abandoned their Femininity. Be who God made you to be--you are already our superiors in EVERY way. Quietness, Serenity, Confidence, Intelligence, a Sharp Wit (and the knowledge of when to suppress it!) are (to me, anyway) the crux of True Femininity.

Reviews

[Marie Anzalone]

Far too much for me to make a truly coherent argument here. For me, the problem begins with seeing the world as "us and them". I try to see people as the individuals they are. I walk down the streets here in Guatemala, and think about the statistics of womanhood for these beautiful creatures. Highest maternal and infant mortality rate in the Western Hemisphere. Over 3000 unsolved murders of women, many of them involving brutal mutilation before death, in the last two years. Beauty that comes from inner strength; the strength to put one potato on the table to feed 8 hungry children when that's all the money there is; and to at the same time NOT become dulled with hatred at your situation. Women are not innately smarter or more intelligent; what has been proved is that their brains process the world differently than men's do. Not better, not worse... just different. We come equipped with different skill sets... and the best decisions made... in the community, in the workplace... in the world of politics and decisions that affect millions- are made when groups of men and women work together. In my own situation, if i were to try to be a stay-at-home mom, I'd kill myself within two weeks for feeling like my own talents and gifts to the larger world were being wasted. Other women obviously feel differently, and that is their choice. I believe in one thing our society got right... the right to choose and pursue the life that one, man or woman, desires to lead. Getting to a place where we make good decisions is another thing all together. Femininity? The best piece of writing ever produced on this topic is Maya Angelou's, "Phenomenal Woman". She unapologetically wrote about what it is like to walk through the world as a woman of emotional, physical, and intellectual confidence. I wish I could have half her poise when it comes to such things.

[Stacey Watts]

This one has gotten some interesting views of feedback and I think I will give a little different point of view. I think women are not necessarily smarter than men. I think we are created to have virtues that are different. A woman mostly has to be the one who cares for her home and family. I think a woman needs to be smart enough to provide for herself if need be and take care of situations that arise. Man I think are just as smart. Working hard and building a life for the family plus allowing a woman to be who she is. I think here it should be said "people" come in all sorts of varieties. I hate it when women toot their genders horn just as much as a man. (no pun intended) It is great that we are who we are and are created to have different traits. I like to think it balances out the powers of evil so to speak. Nice write here. Lot's to ponder on.

[Cherrie Palmer]

what a brave man, and a great view

[Bubo]

. This suggests an intelligence intelligent enough to realize that women are FAR AND AWAY the stronger sex, and knowing that, needs not compete with me to prove it. It is precisely because MEN know that TOO that Society has evolved to keep Womankind repressed.

I love your thinking!! I think women ponder and think on a deeper level, men like to fix things, fix hearts, cars, houses, and move on, whereas women are on a different emotional level, wiser and stronger.........but thats my point only!!

[Samuel Dickens]

You make many good points, at least in my opinion you do. It's funny you posted this because I was just thinking along similar lines.
In my lifetime of experiences, I've never had a relationship with anyone who fit the bill very well, but I have to take most of the blame for that. I see many others who long for a former love, but that's a bit tough for me to relate to because I'm glad all of my ex's are ex's. I've now been married to the same woman for almost 29 years, but she's far from being the kind of wife I wish I had. (I'd best not say anymore about that)
To me, a woman is feminine if she is maternal, intuative, sensitive, compassionate, passionate, not necessarily timid, but not overbearing, cares about her appearence but not to extremes, and is NEAT. I can't stand slobs.