OASIS

--inspired by the poem, "Slow Trickles on my Tongue", by my friend, Emma...

OASIS

Of papyrus, I glean the paper, on which I write of my love
Of palms, the fronds which thatch my home against the heat above
Of its fruit, a succulent feast, that titillates my tongue,
Of the Nile, her healing bounty, since a thousand lifetimes sung!

You my love are my Oasis, set amid the endless dunes
A place of comfort, of relief: To you, I hasten soon!
In you, I've placed my deepest trust; Of you, penned a million words--
For you, I've saved my unbound lust; Through you, my song is heard!

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

I really like this, the Egyptian theme, which gives the poem and its sentiments a timeless feel. One feels that this could have been written in the time of the Pharoahs, by a nobleman to his distant beloved. The only jarring note, I feel, is in the use of the word 'tunes', which doesn't seem to jell. Perhaps it's just me, but I see that more as a modern word set in an archaic backdrop.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

So much symbolism in Egypt mythology and religion serves as symbols of rebirth. Thus, I like the notion of love being an oasis, a place of rebirth for the soul of the one who is loving; and likewise, for the one who is being loved.

The intonation and fluidity of the poem are sound. I would make one slight suggestion:

In you, I placed my deepest trust ---> Change 'placed' to place. The rest of the poem is in present tense, and I would have this reflect the same. It also shows a current trust in the one you love, not a trust of days gone by that is no more.

Keep shining!

Linda Marie Van Tassell

[LisetteCanWrite!]

I love the flow of this and how you describe your other as your oasis of love.. very beautifully written.. great words that must make her heart melt!!! You have a unique ability to write on some many levels and with such feeling.. truly inspiring!

[Aimee Mahathy]

Ow wow!
This poem is so rich and vivid! The flow is perfect! Lulling, almost as the Nile~ The rhyme is flawless, which I admire.
Such a wonderful emotion is captured here, the true essence of love.
Great job!

[Gregory Hill]

Great job, very descriptive and great poem, no problems, lol of course.

[Ellen Hammond]

Oh Mark, this is simply beautiful! Short but ever so sweet.