--inspired by the poem, "Slow Trickles on my Tongue", by my friend, Emma...
OASIS
Of papyrus, I glean the paper, on which I write of my love
Of palms, the fronds which thatch my home against the heat above
Of its fruit, a succulent feast, that titillates my tongue,
Of the Nile, her healing bounty, since a thousand lifetimes sung!
You my love are my Oasis, set amid the endless dunes
A place of comfort, of relief: To you, I hasten soon!
In you, I've placed my deepest trust; Of you, penned a million words--
For you, I've saved my unbound lust; Through you, my song is heard!
I really like this, the Egyptian theme, which gives the poem and its sentiments a timeless feel. One feels that this could have been written in the time of the Pharoahs, by a nobleman to his distant beloved. The only jarring note, I feel, is in the use of the word 'tunes', which doesn't seem to jell. Perhaps it's just me, but I see that more as a modern word set in an archaic backdrop.
I really liked the ancient terms. Your language is pretty cool. There are many strong lines in your poem. I read the poem and was interested, but I would love to “feel” the poem a little more. Good job.
The Oasis is deep and wet. Metaphor, aside this piece is thoughtful and reflects your talent. Good write...very short though. Would like to have seen two more stanza's at the beginning. But that's just me.
I'm truly honoured to have inspired this beautiful post.. if only the muse could do as wonderfully as you.
To liken love to an oasis is incredible: the longing for anything, everything, that comforts and refreshes is found in both.
' You my love are my Oasis, set amid the endless dunes / A place of comfort, of relief: To you, I hasten soon! ' Your wife should treasure those words, they're superbly and lovingly created.
Writing, for me, has always been the friend who brought out the best in me, and who would never argue with me, except when necessary to point out my many obvious inconsistancies.
Writing and.. more..