NARROW VERGES

This was an unusual exercise, in that it lay incomplete for several months, then one night, about two a.m., I awoke with a start, madly scrabbling for paper, finished THIS poem--with three alternate endings, no less!--and wrote three others! Inspiration, it seems, has no timetable, or regard for its recipient!
The term "Sonnet" is bandied about rather loosely these days, but in fact, like all the older forms, has rigorous limitations to its defined structure, with variance permitted in the final six lines alone.


NARROW VERGES

I paint my life with broad brush strokes,
        Slapping, dashing, moving on
        Caring naught what flecks upon
The Narrow Verges fall, or Folks.

But the Reality which now me chokes
        The Truth, which finally has dawned
        Is: Those same folk I've flecked upon
Critique MY life with FINER strokes!

(original ending: c-d, c-d, c-d)

If then that Artist would create
        Of his life, a canvas finer,

More purposed painting must instate,
        And be, perhaps, less of a Whiner!

So flecked-on Folk might feel the weight
        Of his Repentance, his Definer!

(first alternate ending (final couplet only: e-e))

'til those his Folly's fleck'd shall feel
        Enframed, his Penitence, too real!

(second alternate ending: c-c, d-d, e-e)

Therefore, in order to create
        A Canvas more appropriate

Which might some day, some Buyer buy,
        That Artist must concede to try

A System more Conciliatory,
        To yield results more Laudatory!

Reviews

[Markymark]

My take: Definitely go with the latter....the whiner/finer line seems forced....even if it came easily, the reader can NEVER feel the forcing of words. You can get away with it in very quick short verses sometimes, but not in a strict form of sonnet. The subject matter seems serious versus witty, requiring the same tone of the preceding verse(s). I've always liked the metaphor of painting and it works well here, and I'm happy that you are not afraid of anything....I mean anything. My inspiration has waned in the past few days while yours seems to be waxing strong. Mark, This is just my take.....others may disagree. Take it with a grain of salt.

Markymark

[Through the Gateway]

An interesting project and quite telling. I personally enjoyed the third ending the most, but I liked all three.

[emmajoy]

Trying to decide because i see glitter in all three endings, have even tried to mix them a little, but, no, that doesn't help me decide. Maybe it's for you to rest your mind a while and make your own deicison.

OK... OK .. :) .. you've twisted my arm: the original, I thi-i-ink - to my ears it flows rather than trickles.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Wow! Each version was excellent in it's own right, all read extremely well, and neither seemed forced. If I had to choose, however, I think that I would choose the latter as well due to the word choice. A+

Your friend in poetry,

Linda Marie

[Ellen Hammond]

Actually, I rather like the original ending. To me, the last one seems almost a stuffy and changes to mood.