I THOUGHT OF YOU

The fifth, and I think my favorite, of 'The Birthday Series", six poems written to my sister in lieu of gifts, during the late 70's and early 80's when a handwritten gift was the best I could do--See "For Rachel, at Thirteen"; others to follow soon.

I THOUGHT OF YOU

I raised the blinds this morning,
The sky was grey--
A martin trilled his warning
I was in for a foggy, rainy day.
'midst these drab thoughts, one warming:
I THOUGHT OF YOU!

Now, yester-morn was another variety:
The Sun shone bright!
My Soul brimmed with a new anxiety--
It seemed my day was beginning just right!
So sublime, and so rich with opportunity:
I THOUGHT OF YOU!

All these weathers, whether of Sky, or Mind
Cause me some part of You to find

In them an aspect, or an expectation
Of what a Day might bring to Fruition�.

Or a lifetime! Now, you see what I mean,
Since you are, at last (too soon!), Seventeen!

August 17, 1981

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I love the sullen intonation of the beginning of the first stanza and how your words rose like the sun at the end and chased the solemnity away. Then, in the second poem, your words rose anew; and in reverence, you thought of your sister.

My favorite lines are:

"All these weathers, whether of Sky, or Mind
Cause me some part of You to find"

If you were interested in perfecting the meter and adding extra "umph," you could simply remove the word "whether" in the first line.

"All these weathers, of Sky or Mind,
Cause me some part of You to find"

It's amazing how the removal of one word can make a line sing!

Great job!

Linda Marie

[Kenny L. Mitchell]

So are you distantly related to Robert Frost? Because that's who this reminded me of actually. I love the inflection and imagery that you convey. This is excellent work! Keep it up man!

[Mason Vail]

This nicely expresses the related truths that external circumstances have no bearing on love and that meditation on loved ones renders external circumstances irrelevant.

And I laughed out loud at the phrase "at last (too soon!), Seventeen." Yep... that pretty much sums up age seventeen!

[Ellen Hammond]

What a luck girl your sister is to have a big brother like you. This is such a beautiful and unique gift. I bet she cherished all of the birthday poems you wrote for her, much more so than any gift that could be bought, for this comes from your heart. I really enjoyed reading this one.

[Seriana]

I really enjoyed this piece Mark. Has some of the "tone" I like to "hear" when I am reading poetry. Nicely rhymed, too. Very cheery, uplifting feel to it. :)

[Suzanne Sherif]

It's a beautiful love poem, and I can see a man opening the blinds in the morning, looking outside... and then the first thing that comes to his mind is his lover.

I am a little confused about the point of view of the poem, since at the end it mentions that she will be seventeen. Is this supposed to be written from the point of view of a teenage boy? Is it first love? If so, maybe a different title could clarify.

Good write!

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mark,

A thought provoking poem, to be sure. And the writing is clever, too. Most enjoyable. The poem needs to be read several times to get the full measure of enjoyment. Yes, "all these weathers". Very nice.

Best regards,

Rick

[Voice]

Just a beautiful poem which really makes one think. I just loved it...


All these weathers, whether of Sky, or Mind
Cause me some part of You to find


This was most diffidently my favorite part I just loved the way it felt when I read it. Amazing write...

Voice

[Gregory Hill]

This is really great, I don't have any criticisms, I really like this. Keep writing, you are great. Sorry i couldn't say more, I just don't find a need, great job.

[David Lewis Paget]

The only crit with this that I can think of is the archaism 'midst. I think the complete word, 'Amidst' would be fine here, and avoid that eyesore comma and lower case 'm' where all other lines are capitalised. Otherwise, good.
David.