Entombment

I address this to my many broken hearted...BUT NOT BROKEN!...new-found Sisters on this site It bespeaks the pain and fear we, too, feel, but are trained to bury..."down deep"

ENTOMBMENT

Small boys live down deep
Within the hearts of Men who sleep
Alone, but upward creep,

Hoping that their sleep
May unto it's end soon creep,
When voiced are deep

Soul -stirrings, that creep
Toward the Sun, from the deep
Entombment, from Sleep!

Author's Note

An experimental form, combining the Haiku with identical end-words, as in a Sestina...Upon reflection, I find that though Sts. 2 and 3 are 5-7-5, St. 1 is 5-8-6. I will entertain suggestions!

Reviews

[Aimee Mahathy]

Wow. This is amazing.
You kind of -do- get that dank, dusty feel of entombment when so much is locked away inside, refused release for so long. It sadly kind of reminds me of my fiancee.
In a society where every boy is raised to be a man, that man, in turn remains a boy inside.
What a thought-provoking piece! I really enjoyed reading it!

[Marshal Gebbie]

Good work!
Every little boy travels the same road.
This little boy is still travelling!
Like your style.

[KAREN]

Great imagery in this piece! Great pharses and flow!

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

Somehow soul stirrings always seem to have some connection with our childhood.Well expressed...

[Muse]

I tried to do this kind a poetry a while back, not my favorite. Your attemped however is well-done. I think you should try revamping this your own way, throw out the rules. Then again, like me, you might not have this kind of time? :)

[Sunni Davis]

Very moving words, sad but uplifting.

[Allen Smuckler]

Oh sure, Mark throw another style at me
...but I will try it....does it have a name or did you invent it..
I hate to be the one to point this out, but...when (1) voiced (1 unless you're saying voi-ced) maybe should be voices, are (1) deep (1) = 4 syllables.
1st stanza: small boys live down deep
within hearts of men who sleep
Alone, but still creep (not crazy bout this line but it works)..
Thing about haikus, Mark is their structure...usually, second line would end with a punctuation mark, which makes that 3rd line work better probably wit a ";"..however in this case you've carried the 2nd line into the third with a comma after Alone.
Well enough about me...what about the poem...??
I thought it was wonderful...if I didn't know you were exploring with haikus and this style, I would have addressed this first. As we get older Mark, that small boy in all of us wants to continue to play...or at least remove himself from us, to continue to explore...I only wish he was there to guide me more often.
Excellent write, Mark. You are not only an amazing poet, and writer....you are an artist and a master of words...truly
allen

[Suzanne Sherif]

I like the way you have personified your emotions as a little boy who has been buried by society's expectations of what is acceptable for a grown man. Maybe this is why so many men have fond memories of childhood: it was a time when they were allowed to be emotionally free.

[emmajoy]

The title of this post is both appropriate and misleading but can't quite decide which.. maybe both.
I wonder when men will realise that the ability to show feelings also shows strength? The tough man might be sensitive and gentle but.. he doesn't have to act tough, etc. etc.
You hit the nail on the head with all your writings, Mark .. there's something for most, if not all and each time you really get us going either by theme or format. As far as this technically inept creature can see, the three verses are three haikus!
Thank you for sharing what is most definitely a show of feelings. Emma