While Driving in Clairemont

While Driving in Clairemont

A Story by Mark
"

The original, longer version of the story, "One Day in Clairemont".

"

 

  WHILE DRIVING IN CLAIREMONT 

 

     "Some people swore that the house was haunted," the tour guide noted, with a sneer in her voice; it was apparent from the outset that she did not number herself within that particular set of  people. 

 

     Nor did I. Apparently, there WERE some feeble-minded souls who chose to let their imaginations run rampant, randomly accepting all the tripe foisted on them by movies and dime novels. How I had cackled (surreptitiosly, of course) when my American History teacher had spoken in hushed tones about the thousands who gave complete and unstinting credence to Ouija, seances and such-like throughout the nineteenth century. I took no end of pleasure in mocking those who had paid to see the Bates Motel set, and the Munsters', Addams' and Amityville houses,  which at least had the grace to look as though they could have been haunted.

 

        The example in question at this moment had not even that good grace. The small nondescript house, though a trifle shabby, was in no wise haunted-seeming. "How did this crackerbox even get onto a tour in the first place?", I could not help asking myself.

 

     As had so often happened in the past, though, my mocking drowned out my learning. For had I been listening, I might have heard the guide, intoning in her cartoon-eeriest voice, of the two little boys who wandered up and down this otherwise normal street, carrying things little boys are not typically pictured with; no Rockwell etching, this! The smaller toted a zippered bag which might have passed as a bowling bag, but upon closer examination became the enclosure for a Naval fighter pilot's helmet. The larger carried only a claw hammer, and a cold chisel. None of these three items was pristine.

 

      Had I been listening, I might have learned how two little boys were incarcerated in the Ju-Vee, for having driven a chisel into the skull of their drunken father, who had passed out after administering a horrible beating  to their pregnant mother back in 1964, then severing his head with a hacksaw. Saw and head then went into the newly-emptied helmet bag. Then they struck off down the street, with no actual plan besides removing themselves from the scene. Whether they might have stayed, had they known that the helmet bag's blow, freighted as it was with a fresh fifth of Cutty Sark, had broken their mother's neck instantly, no one can say.

 

      "Now, that's a queer coincidence," I remarked. "I was born in 1964, and MY father died in 1964, AND I have two older brothers, who don't talk about 1964!"

 

     Had I been listening, I might have realized that the tour guide had momentarily stopped her droning, and that all the other occupants on the tour had turned to face me. But perhaps "FACE me" isn't wholly accurate, as none of them had what you might call a face, but only facial bones and tatters of flesh. About a third of them had epaulets, though, as a Naval Junior officer might have had, and wore cavalier sneers across their ripped, disfigured maws. Another third had torn, stained  dresses, and rather disarrayed bouffants. Their expressions were merely hopeless. The last and most intense third, and the only ones who seemed to have eyes, stared at me with a solemn mixture of envy, shame and pain.

 

     At this point I began to scream. I am not sure I have ever stopped screaming. I am sure, however that  nothing was ever the same again after that.

renewwer

© 2012 Mark


Compartment 114
Compartment 114
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Reviews

Oh dearie me, you should have been paying attention! Actually I thought this was a very good read. I like the detached way in which you write. Impeccable sentences!

Posted 11 Years Ago


Very entertaining, indeed! Witty and surprising this bit of flash!
Another version? I'd like to read it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


this is very well written !!! i understand that was entered into a flash fiction writing contest. How did it rank against the other entrants?

Posted 11 Years Ago


Mark

11 Years Ago

In this particular contest, they only divulge the winner, not the ranking, unless I missed something.. read more
glenn

11 Years Ago

the contest i am in has 800 contestants which are divided into groups of 30 people per group. 5 out .. read more
Nightmarish and ghoully. I have read both versions and I like both. Nicely written Mark.

Posted 11 Years Ago


Mark

11 Years Ago

Thank you Lena! Good to hear from you again. Have things gotten any better on your side of the state.. read more
Loving both versions! This story really hit me so much the first time.. was good to go back through it again.. the thoughts and feelings that arose. Appreciate your writing so much, my friend!

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on October 22, 2012
Last Updated on October 22, 2012

Author

Mark
Mark

Las Vegas, NV



About
Writing, for me, has always been the friend who brought out the best in me, and who would never argue with me, except when necessary to point out my many obvious inconsistancies. Writing and.. more..

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