Upside Down

You made me something I'm not.

Now I'm nothing you ever wanted.

 

I have became the person I was all along.

But, you never opened your eyes to see who I really was.

 

Now you blame my change on others.

When it's really hundred percent me.

 

I hate to cause you this pain,

But now it's time for you to see the real me.

 

I'm done with the fighting,

And all of this crying.

 

I'm not sorry I'm not who you want me to be,

But I am sorry for just now saying all of this.

 

You'll always have a place in my heart,

But all of my respect for you has been lost...

and I'm not sure it can be found.

 

So, now I guess is the time

For me to fix what's been broken-

For so long.

Author's Note

It's not got the poem form...look past that it's kinda just a one stanza it was hard to put in that form so look past that and my punctuation please....

Reviews

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

interesting title...it fits with the poem

[Marissa]

thank you...I think

[Nirmala]

It indicates such a struggle to be who you are:
You made me something I'm not.
Now I'm nothing you ever wanted
The final ability to express yourself to freedom even if it breaks relationship is powerful:
You'll always have a place in my heart,
But all of my respect for you has been lost...
and I'm not sure it can be found.

[Marissa]

exactly what I was hoping it meant...

[Dayran]

When you are communicating something like this to someone, it helps to simply say what was wrong with it. Then give them a chance to respond. Your complaint contains such a balance of issues and concern for the other, it makes me wonder whether you are speaking for both.

[Marissa]

are you talking about my poem?? if so I'm highly confused...

[Dayran]

I'm saying you need to put in some years, it helps.

[Marissa]

okay, I'll try

[nevermindfan1991]

You made me something I'm not.
Now I'm nothing you ever wanted.

The second sentence does not make sense. It is confusing. I think
You should re-write that. It is also again too direct.

I have become the person I was all along but,
You never opened your eyes to see who I really was.

This is too direct to be anything but a poem. It seems
More like a written confession. How does this relate to
your audience?

Now you blame my change on others.
When it's really hundred percent me.

How did it come to this? You need to
Transition to this slowly not abruptly.

I hate to cause you this pain,
But now it's time for you to see the real me.

There is a Cliché in the second line. Instead of saying you caused (him/her)
Pain I think it would be better to describe the pain or make a metaphor out of it.

I'm done with the fighting,
And all of this crying.

Too much telling. Poetry is about showing!

I'm not sorry I'm not who you want me to be,
But I am sorry for just now saying all of this.

Too wordy.

You'll always have a place in my heart,
But all of my respect for you has been lost...
and I'm not sure it can be found.

First line is a cliché. The second and third are the best
Lines of this whole poem. It seems very original and I liked
How you described respect as a sort of tangible object. I thin
It should be described in more detail.

So, now I guess it is time
For me to fix what's been broken-
For so long.

You forgot to allude what was being broken. Is it respect or the relationship?
You don’t hint at this at all in my opinion.

This poem was okay but it needs a lot of work. Not just on the format or punctuation but on the content. I know this is probably inspired by emotional event that you had experienced but it doesn’t sound like. I’ve read many poems like this whiny and gargled with clichés. I think you need to take another look on the content and express this in your own way.

[Harley (arbiter)]

I can relate to some of this. Good job putting emotion in it.

[Marissa]

thank you!

[Harley (arbiter)]

Yep!

[Laura Maidah]

It is pretty banal. Language is pretty worn as poetry goes. I'm concerned about its whiney-ness. Sorry. Not my favorite thing by you.

[Marissa]

hey, about the whiney-ness I keep getting told to put my feelings in my poetry and my feelings just happen to be whiney sounding I guess.But it'll be okay I'll work on that.

[Laura Maidah]

Lol. Feelings aren't whiney. just the way you choose to express them.

[Marissa]

well, I will work on that...well try no promises!

[The adventurer]

I loved it......a great job.

[Marissa]

thanks!

[The adventurer]

welcome.

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

Its so nice, I love it even more cause the basic idea is so true and real :)

[Marissa]

thank you I'm glad you liked it!

[afra]

each word of this poem was related with me .....i loved it ..good job

[Marissa]

I'm sorry it relates to you...because I know how bad it hurts....and thank you, and I'm glad you loved it (:

[afra]

welcome

[♥ Lexii Boo &hea..]

wow i love this!!! your word use was great!

[Marissa]

thank you so much much (: