If I could

If I could

A Poem by Marissa
"

Please let me know if you need help with an explination....thank you (:

"

I'd walk out...

And never look back.

 

I'd find my happiness...

That's been lost for so long

 

I'd say thanks...

To God for giving me a life to live.

 

I'd find out all the unknown answers...

To all my crazy questions.

 

But, most of all...

I'd say thanks to all the people who made me who I am today.

© 2012 Marissa


Author's Note

Marissa
ignore the puntuations, an form please i'm still trying to get the hang of that stuff....so please bare with me.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

deep, meaningful, and sincere words...a pleasure to read

Posted 12 Years Ago


Marissa

12 Years Ago

thank you! And I'm glad (:
I'd walk out...
And never look back.

Cliché!

I'd find my happiness...
That's been lost for so long

Describe your happiness and why you long for it.

I'd say thanks...
To God for giving me a life to live.

Why do you value life?


I'd find out all the unknown answers...
To all my crazy questions.

Describe the immensity of the questions.

But, most of all...
I'd say thanks to all the people who made me who I am today.

Cliché

Sorry for the harsh critiques but this poem is too simple and does not seem you put a lot of thought or work into this. I’ve read poems that are short yet powerful but this one wasn’t it. Poetry is a difficult craft and takes time to be able to make evocative poetry. You have to understand grammar, semantics, and understand fully the language you speak. You CANNOT simply pick pretty words and be done with it.


Posted 12 Years Ago


I kinda like it. Some parts flow better than others but as ya get better that'll come. Good job

Posted 12 Years Ago


Marissa

12 Years Ago

thank you!
Harley (arbiter)

12 Years Ago

Welcome!
Thanking god? It's either a complete poem with full dogmatic principles, or a stale poem with a random religious interjection. I am not saying this with an atheist bias. I'm pretty Christian myself, but I don't like the sudden insertion of god in this context. Gives it a strange tone of cliche. It's a poem of gratitude mostly, like a pamphlet from Sunday School. Nothing to get too worked up about. Nothing too special. Sorry. Just my opinions. Trying to be honest.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Marissa

12 Years Ago

it's fine and thanks for your honest opinion. Everyone is welcome totheir own opinion so I'm not mad.. read more
Well written and sweet

Posted 12 Years Ago


Marissa

12 Years Ago

glad you think so!
A nice place to start. It affirms the stability and basic goodness we inherit in our lives.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Marissa

12 Years Ago

thank you!
nice sweet and innocent :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


Marissa

12 Years Ago

thanks!
Akhand Pratap Singh

11 Years Ago

welcome
awww so sweet ...just like u ...keep up the good work

Posted 12 Years Ago


Marissa

12 Years Ago

aww thank you so much!
afra

12 Years Ago

welcome
I like this(: It's simple and well-written.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Marissa

12 Years Ago

thank you very much!
I like this a lot of lots :) It reminds of stuff i would like to do 'If I could" haha. I particularly like "I'd find my happiness" Just because I hear people say it all the time and its what i can relate to the most. awesome write thanks for sharing it :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


Marissa

12 Years Ago

thank you! and your welcome haha
quixotic_rose

12 Years Ago

:D

Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

731 Views
24 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on June 30, 2012
Last Updated on August 15, 2012

Author

Marissa
Marissa

NC



About
Hi! Im Marissa I like writing poems and im not very good but it's how I get my feelings out. I'm a sophomore. Nothing better than friends and family. (but to me family isn't always blood) and well I l.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


HIT YOUR GOAL HIT YOUR GOAL

A Poem by afra


MY HERO MY HERO

A Poem by afra


Drips of Wisdom #10 Drips of Wisdom #10

A Chapter by Pax


Hush Hush

A Story by Sophie





Compartment 114
Compartment 114
Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5