Why Daddy, Why?

it pretty much explains itself.

You walked away,

And unfortunately nobody stopped you.

 

Now I'm begging you please,

Tell me why you walked out on me.

 

I was so little,

But that didn't faze you.

 

What happened?

You was supposed to be daddy, not some stranger.

 

I needed you in life,

But you didn't want me.

 

The pain hurts...

And daddy it gets worse everyday.

 

I can't talk about you,

So why do I think about you?

 

I used to wish you were here,

But I don't know why.

 

I'm sorry...

For not being enough.

 

I used to ask...

Where daddy was.

 

But now I ask,

Why should I forgive daddy?

Author's Note

I know that like my punctuation and stuff like that isn't right exactly so ummm please ignore that and let me know what you think...(and yes unfortunately this did happen to me,but i'm stronger than ever because it did.)

Reviews

[Whiskurz]

I'm sorry this has happened to you but am glad to hear you are a stronger person......A sad but beautiful write my friend......Whisk

[Marissa]

thank you so much!

[Chantel]

Actually, your punctuation is good.
I'm sorry that this happened to you. This is really heartbreaking. Your writing of it is great, though. Amazing work, keep it up.

[Marissa]

well, I'm glad that my punctuations good lol. And thank you so much.

[Kaylor Mason]

Sounds to me like you weren't the problem . . . your dad was.

[Marissa]

yeah, I think being the kid you kind of lways blame yourself...even if it's not.

[Kenneth The Poet]

Heavy piece, very tumultuous. Like it.

[Marissa]

thank you!

[Kenneth The Poet]

Not a problem at all.

[mariah]

very innocent and honestly written. at least you became stronger from thit situation. great work!
-Mariah

[Marissa]

thank you! And yes it has mae me stronger.

[mariah]

your welcome!

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A highly emotional and poignant piece, well done, good read.

[Marissa]

Thank You so much!

[Aehr]

very well done. This has happened to a few kids I know. Very well done.

[Marissa]

thank you! And since I know how it feels I pray things get eaier on them.

[Aehr]

that's extremely nice of you.

[Marissa]

thank you!

[nevermindfan1991]

You walked away,
And unfortunately nobody stopped you.

The word unfortunately messes with the rhythm in my opinion. I
Would chose an adjective with less syllables such as alas or sad to say.


Now I'm begging you please,
Tell me why you walked out on me.

Too much telling. This does not draw me in.

I was so little,
But that didn't faze you.

This needs to be embellished more. You leave us hanging here.
Why does this matter?

What happened?
You were supposed to be daddy, not some stranger.

Embellish here. You seem to visit places that you quickly leave behind.

I needed you in life,
But you didn't want me.

Again… to much telling.

The pain hurts...
And daddy it gets worse everyday.

I can't talk about you,
So why do I think about you?

I used to wish you were here,
But I don't know why.

I'm sorry...
For not being enough.
Why do you take the blame? Please fill this plot hole.

I used to ask...
Where daddy was.

But now I ask,
Why should I forgive daddy?

I’m sorry if this comes of as harsh but this poem was very hollow in my opinion. It was too direct and was not visceral in any sense. How are we supposed to emphasize with you if you don’t show your feelings. Simply saying I’m sad does not encompass the feelings of loneliness, guilt, or ambivalence you felt when your father abandoned you. This could be a prose with huge gaps in between but I don’t feel this is a poem. Read “Daddy” by Sylvia Plath it deals with the same subject matter. It’s considered one of her best pieces. It is very evocative. This poem has potential mostly because of the subject matter. I have read a lot of poems about dead-beat fathers and they all pretty much sound and/or look the same. Please make your poem stand out!

[Blindfolded]

This is a very emotional piece. It's never easy to go through such trauma in your life. Your pain is obvious and well placed on the person that was supposed to support you. Thank you for sharing and I hope your pain lessens every day.

[Dayran]

You're in a place that will share with you the experience of the loss and help you understand in some way. Stay and work on it.