In the rough

once again a free verse I don't perticularly think it's great but hey hopefully ya'll can give some advice to make it better....(:

You may feel down

You may feel great

 

You keep it in mind

That time is too late

 

You can't give up

You can't give down

 

People are talking

But you keep on walking

 

You pray to God-

To end the talking

 

 

 

Reviews

[Dayran]

Would be a way to continue walking without talking or as it implies, to carry on despite what others might say.

[EMMIE]

Short and sweet =) and very cute

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Quite short however you get your point across.

[Lindsay T]

This is a good start! Like a reviewer below me said, poetry takes practice. Just keep writing poems and you'll eventually get the hang of longer verses. That being said though, this is pretty good! Short and simple, and sometimes that's the best while trying to get your point across. I would try and include more descriptive words so it's a bit more interesting to read. Nice job, keep it up, and remember: practice makes perfect :)

[Btwixer]

so emotional, so well written

[Dearantlers]

I think it's amazing the way it is. This is my favorite of the poems of yours that I have read. I love where you said,
"You cant give up
You can't give down"
I loved that!

[myrto]

Too many people are under the impression that poetry has to be long and epic but you have written a 10 word poem and it's beautiful. It is a credit to you that you can be so evocative and lyrical in 5 stanzas. Not only that but your writing is apt and perceptive. I look forward to reading your other work.

[Rene Velez]

all I can say is poetry is a lesson slowly learned, just keep writing, try and use a thesaurus, synonyms are always useful, try finding them to expand your vocabulary, use different words with the same meaning for the words you are using, I bet this poem would be so much better, and you will run into "I know it all poets" who really don't know s**t, better to realize that you know nothing, it will help with your delivery.

[Coyote Poetry]

Sometime less talk is good. Good to have silence to allow mind to grasp life and reason. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[nevermindfan1991]

You may feel down
You may feel great
 
You keep it in mind
That time is to late (*too)
 
You can't give up
You can't give down (That does not make any sense)
 
People are talking
But you keep on walking
 
You pray to God-
To end the talking
 
Despite the fact that you said it was free verse, this poem had rhythm and it flowed whether you intended it to or not. The repetition of “You” was kind of irksome. There was also a lack of punctuation. Your poem was short but it had no bite. I did not capture my attention. The use of simple word choice hinders you. This is not a poem that seems uncomplicated and speaks volumes. If this is your first draft, I advise you re-do this poem. Think about what you are trying to say and how you want to say it.