All I see

This is a poem I wrote about some feelings I can't lose, so I wrote them down...and the part where it says im not gonna try it needs to say im not gonna try for you but it didn't sound right...

The pain I have

The tears I cry

The questions of why

 

Still leave me wondering

Even after so many years

 

I don't understand

Why I hurt so much

When all I wanna do-

is just give up

 

I can't explain

So I try not to complain

 

But sometimes it's too much

And I just start to bawl

 

I'm at that point

Where im not gonna try

I'm not even gonna cry

 

But I am gonna-

make something of myself

 

 

Author's Note

Please comment and let me know what you think and please be honest....(:

-Thanks, Marissa

Reviews

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Poised and well written it guides the reader with imagery, well done, good read.

[Lindsay T]

This is well-written, and it depicts daily struggles most people go through really nicely. I'm a neat freak, so I did notice a few typos which you might want to fix- apostrophes and capitals, and such. Nicely done, though, this is a great poem!

[Dayran]

The nature of the passions, particularly, its delicate aspects, exercise a subtle but strong influence on the mind that is simply trying to say things for what they are. A person feels an impediment as a result but it is the way that our body and mind interacts. They hold a surprise for each other that becomes clear when you are ready.

[Btwixer]

just try not to give up, hold on. nice write

[kayla]

I like this poem because it's real and mostly freeverse, so I can tell that it's a "let my damn emotions out" poem lol. So there's not good or bad in it, but I myself like it.

[C.]

this is good c: I can relate to it as well, which makes it better in my opinion haha. And in reply to Rene Velez's review~ I think it's okay to use technically incorrect language. It can have several uses, even though it really isn't the correct way of spelling. I use it and words similar. But, that's just my opinion, haha. Everyone's is different.

[Rene Velez]

I like this one...change gonna to going to...it's important for a poet to write the right way, especially if you want the reader to take you seriously.

[Southern Cross]

Seems your not a quitter and that is strength. I am sure that with that attitude you will always succeed. Keep writing you show promise

[myrto]

I love this meter, I've never encountered it before. It is an interesting mix of periodic hard hitting 2-line stanzas, interspersed with descriptive, unpretentious questionings of your own life. The only advice I can give is don't feel so bound to 1 rhyme, I understand the resonant significance but try exploring to really give your work a flourish. Otherwise, very good.

[Coyote Poetry]

Hard to stop tears of sadness. But we must. I like the flow of thoughts and the good ending. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote