All I see

This is a poem I wrote about some feelings I can't lose, so I wrote them down...and the part where it says im not gonna try it needs to say im not gonna try for you but it didn't sound right...

The pain I have

The tears I cry

The questions of why

 

Still leave me wondering

Even after so many years

 

I don't understand

Why I hurt so much

When all I wanna do-

is just give up

 

I can't explain

So I try not to complain

 

But sometimes it's too much

And I just start to bawl

 

I'm at that point

Where im not gonna try

I'm not even gonna cry

 

But I am gonna-

make something of myself

 

 

Author's Note

Please comment and let me know what you think and please be honest....(:

-Thanks, Marissa

Reviews

[MOON]

Good imagery

[Marissa]

thanks

[Leslie Philibert]

Another good one, but you should use your talents on a whole range of subjects !

[Marissa]

I do agree and I will definitely try to work on that...but I don't know what other subject to do....any suggestions?

[Dr. Wood ?]

be strong.....great sentiment, again not your best but this is only MY opinion...I do not write poetry of the heart

[Marissa]

I totally respect your opinion thank you!

[Harley (arbiter)]

I like it. It was great! Don't change anything it's good just the way it is. I can relate aswell

[mariah]

this is beauiful....the very begining reminds me of the song "hurt". i love the very end though, thats where the poem takes an unexpected twist. right when it seems like you have given up hope, you say "i'm going to make something of myself." amazing work, you literally had me tearing up!
-Mariah

[SeventhSin]

Beautiful poem! :) Dont change a thing!

[Legolas]

Good poem. Lots of emotion in it

[Emrys Realmskip]

I like this! :) Especially the message in the end of ' making something of yourself' :D
Savvy

[Chantel]

Good piece. Probably my favorite of yours so far, although I've only read four XD
A few little grammar things (sorry, I can't help myself) :

"But sometimes it's to much"
(The "to" should be "too")

"And I just start to ball"
("Ball" is like the toy, "bawl" is like the crying kind :) )

"Im at that point
Where im not gonna try
Im not even gonna cry"
I'm not sure if you did this on purpose, but if you want to be technically grammatically correct, "I'm" is a better option, though I'm sure you knew that, just a friendly reminder :)

Overall, a great piece! I loved it all the way through, and loved the positive ending the best. Wonderful job, keep it up :)

[afra]

some times i feel the same way ....well done ...^-^