Lost Words

This poem is no love poem, it does seem to be that. I apologize for that. This poem is about how I have a wonderful person who is like a mom to me and how I can't explain to her how I feel with words.

I can't find the right words,

No matter how hard I try.

 

I know I never wanna lose you,

That thought makes me wanna cry.

 

Everyone keeps telling me to tell you how I feel,

But I still don't truly understand why?

 

If there is only one thing I'm sure of

That thing is that I never want to say Good-Bye.

 

There is also no way,

That without you I could ever get by.

 

You've taught me so much about life

In such little time.

 

I've learned that for anyone not to have someone like you-

In their life it should be a crime.

 

It's funny how the words,

Their definitely there.

 

But when I attempt talking to you,

There's a huge loss of words.

 

I know they're true,

So, I think maybe my fear gets the best of me.

 

If only I could tell you

How much you really mean to me.

Author's Note

Please excuse my rhyme scheme I purposely made it that way....knowing it would seem jacked up.And also, sorry for any confusion of this being a love poem to some guy I guess theoretically (not sure how to spell that) it could be but I didn't make it that way. Let me know what you think please and thank you!

Reviews

[quixotic_rose]

I think this is pretty frikin awesome :). I feel that way when I know all the words are right there in my mind and it's the perfect moment to say it to that special person, but then I choke up and the words become lost somewhere in the crowded refines of my mind. Truly relate-able and awesome. :)

[Marissa]

Awesome! I'm glad you like it...and thank you! (:

[quixotic_rose]

:) you're welcome!

[kayla]

Overall the subject matter and rhyme is great, but some of the lines are so long that it's inconsistent with the last. Other than that, poem is great.

[Marissa]

thank you and yeah I got several things to go back and fix thanks for you opinion and advice

[Raven Starhawk]

Such a extraordinary write. I can honestly devour these words because they speak so closely to my heart.

[Marissa]

thank you

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the desire of this poem. Last words need to be sweet. Always possibility of repair if people hold on to kindness and love. A very good ending to a outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Marissa]

thank you

[Dean Kuch®]

Regardless of the grammatical issues, the flow; any and all things pertaining to the specifics and tools of writing, this piece speaks to me. I for one believe we should take chances in our lives, especially when those chances pertain to matters of the heart. Things we leave unspoken, should we decide to voice them, could quite possibly change our lives. If we only decide to give it a shot. You just never know...until you try!

[Falling Leaf.]

This piece is great, but not flawless. Only a couple grammar/spelling errors, and one line that I suggest rewriting.
First: "Just the thought of that makes me wanna cry." This line is a bit too long for the line above it; it tampers with the rhythm of your poem. I suggest shortening it to 'The thought makes me wanna cry." Personally, I'm not a fan of "wanna, gonna, etc." but if that's what you fancy having in your works, then by all means, put it in your work.
Next: You misspelled truly in stanza three.
Third: The hyphen in the seventh stanza is unnecessary.
Fourth: in the eigth stanza, you need to change "their" to they're. Also, you misspelled definitely.
Fifth: in the second to last stanza, "their" needs to be they're.
Finally: in the last stanza, I would take out that comma.

Other than that, a nice love poem. I'm not going to lie, there's nothing about this piece that makes it stand out among other love poems--there are many cliches, multiple things that so many love poems have--but it's still a nice piece that was great to read, especially since it made me think of my boyfriend.

Thank you for sharing. I hope my review didn't come off as harsh; I was giving my honest opinion, something that miffs a great many sensitive people here on the Cafe, and out in the world. My advice to anyone like that is to keep your writing to yourself until you can handle all critique.

Anyway, sorry this is taking so long. Your poem was great--not superb--but great. Again, thanks for sharing.

[Marissa]

yeah I totally understand thanks I was going to go back and fix things but thanks for pointing them out.

[Marissa]

hi, ummm not sure if I'm right but I disagree with changing their to they're...they're is a word that is meaning they are and i purposely didn't want to say they are in that line....an by the way not being mean it's the way you understood his poem but it's not exactly a love poembt i'll let you get on with your ust thought i'd mention that to you.

[Falling Leaf.]

You need to specify which line. If you purposely kept their, you need to tell me where. Also, if it's not a love poem, then what is it about? That's what the author notes box is for. Tell what is on your mind as you write. It came off as a love poem to me. I was simply pointing out what I saw that needed fixing.

[Marissa]

In the 7th stanza second line I purposely put their and think it needs to stay that way. Author notes box isn't to explain what my poem is about it's to ask to excuse grammar, punctuation, etc. but I do apologize for not putting what this poem is about in the description box. It will now be there so you can go look at it to fin out what it's about. I understand you were pointing out what needed to be fixed and I told you thank you...I was just trying to tell you what I thought after I went back to fix it I wasn't meaning to sound mean or harsh or whatever you may be thinking I was just stating my opinion and I guess I didn't do that in a nice enough fashion for you so, I'm sorry for not sounding nice enough for you.

[Falling Leaf.]

When did I ever say you weren't "nice enough" for me? I don't understand why you're being hostile. Also, you need to reread my review. I never said anything about changing "their" in the seventh stanza. I said they're is needed in the eigth stanza. "They're definitely there."

I've had many wise, older poets on this website tell me that it's best to use the author's box as a place to express your thoughts on your piece, as it will further connect your readers with you.

I do agree that their is correct in the seventh stanza, but not in the eigth. Also, you spelled everyone wrong in the third stanza.

Several reviews below are saying that is poem is about a crush or a special someone. Why aren't you getting offensive with them? Are you being hostile because I told you I found nothing particularly outstanding in this piece? Not every single reader is going to be fond of everything you write. If you were to review one of my poems and tell me you didn't like it, I would tell you thank you for reading it anyway, and thank you for your honest opinion. That is all.

[Marissa]

I've told you thank you so it's not like I can't take it. Obviously you and I don't need to be talking anymore. I apologize for my wrongs I've done these past few days and harsh things I've said....Thanks for the help.

[Falling Leaf.]

No trouble at all. You're most welcome.

[Marissa]

Hope you can forgive me and on any of my other poems I would love your advice.

[Falling Leaf.]

I will be happy to review your other pieces. I'm not here to make enemies, but to share my writing and read that of others, making friends in the process...My apologies for being blatant.

[Marissa]

It's cool, we cool....don't sweat it. Can't wait to get reviews on my other work.

[afra]

beautiful and deep ....good job

[Marissa]

Thank You!

[MOON]

Expressive write filled with longing.

[Earthy Mumma Soul]

I've learned that for anyone not to have someone like you-
In their life it should be a crime.
I like these lines :) Keep writing :)

[Marissa]

Aw Thank You!