The one I left behind

A story of when we go through a life changing experience we are forced to become someone new

The one I left behind

 

  For some of us, there comes a time where we must change. The events that led up to this. Can be traumatizing, causing us to forget ourselves. Leading us to be born a- new, in a sense. Sometimes however the new personality that takes the place of the old one. Isn’t a stable one. Considering the state in which I was in. I needed a stronger “me” one that could bear his own pain. In order to stop the wound, that was given to me by my parents’ divorce. My past self was a caring person. He wouldn’t sit by a let someone suffer. He would always try to make others happy. Never tempted to hurt others, always preferred to be the one getting hurt instead. The one who saw the brightness of the world. Even though his parents weren’t rich nor where they perfect. He was happy just being part of a family with a mother and father. He expressed great love to his brothers and sisters. Never did he curse for having siblings. He was the idle me. But on that painful day, the day where he froze in the state of shock and despair. When his dad walked into his room and said the words that would break him. The words “I’m sorry son. Your mom and I are getting a divorce.” Those very words caused him to cry and break down inside.    As time went on, he bared the pain inside. Holding in this pain caused him to go silent and lose all of his friends. As the pain continued to grow. He reached his limit and couldn’t hold it back any longer, he give in to it. As the pain eats him alive inside. His whimpering turns into screams of agony. The pain only grows more, consuming him in a hellish nightmare that never ends. He cries and begs for someone anyone to save him. When no one answers his cries he decides that he has no choice, in order to end his suffering. He decides to die and let someone else take his place, a new “him”.  One that could careless for others, hate the world and turn the unbearable pain into strength. He believes it’s the only way out. He wants to be put out of his misery. He can’t take being hurt anymore. As he slowly fades away he sheds tears. Not for his passing but for the new “him”. The one who will soon take his place. The new “him” is born, he hates everything. His eyes are full of loneliness. He no longer feels the pain of lose. The wound that had broken him, has made him stronger. He trains his body, making it stronger day by day. He cuts all emotional ties to anything that once had meaning to him. Friends, family and peers. Are nothing more than entertainment to him. He values no life other than his own. His loved words for his siblings have turned into harsh words. Cursing the fact that he has siblings. He finds no pity in others suffering. He will crush whoever hurts him. No longer will he sit by and be hurt. The memories of his past self are nearly gone. His personality is cold and lonely. He wonders through life day by day. Growing more distant on those feelings that are intentional for a human being. Becoming empty inside, succumbing to numbness of pain. Wondering who he once was. Unknowing that one after years of forgetful days. He’ll slowly began to hear a voice crying out for help. The voice sounds wounded, as if it’s just barely summing up the strength to cry for help. Something isn’t right, someone inside resisting the urge to die. I grow tired of ignoring this pleading voice. Who is it, who’s there? As I await an answer. The memories of yesterdays from long ago. Began to flood my mind. I see an image of a little boy with black hair and brown eyes. Wearing nothing but a white blanket. Covering his body stained by his own Blood. He has layers of chains digging into his flesh. Restricting his moments, he’s covered in wounds and blood. He’s calling not only for help but, for mommy and daddy. Who is this child, why does he seem so familiar? He reminds me of this cold dream I had, where I watched myself die. He lifts his head. Our eyes meet one another’s. Now I see, I know who this person is. It’s the one who lonely, scared and rotting on the inside. The one I left behind.