The long way to death

A real story

The long way to death

Autumn will become the season that I will hate most. Strange… I used to say that I like Autumn. I boasted with the fact that I loved to rain and it did not disturb me to be cold and ugly many days.

Autumn seemed to me the most mysterious: it could be warm, but rain, cold and rain ,cold and foggy or the type of day that everybody loves: sun and warm with reddish sunsets and brown leaves.

Yes… I used to love Autumn . Now I hate it. I have  started to hate it since a beautiful afternoon with noises made by happy children because they caught another sunny day. Then everything bothered me.. starting with the sun that was shining too strong and it didn’t defer the injustice of life. In a such afternoon I understood that the sun does not only shine because we are happy. I realized the time does not stop for us, and when we want. But I did not understand why we have to find out some things too late, why we have to discover and admire some people just when they are about to leave us.

In a such beautiful day, someone that I loved was preparing to die , and I was witnessed to her long way to another world.  It is strange said, isn’t it? Road to death. Yes, it might sound strange, but this is the truth. I saw a woman more death than alive more in suffering than healthy  ,but who struggled to believe. And I felt desperate because  there was no escape.

At a certain moment I looked at that woman and I no longer saw the sick body who cannot enjoy life. I saw only a mind and a soul that struggled to be lucid and they succeeded .

I understood then what dignity was. I did not believe till than that a human being can have such power in front of  death. What must feel a person that realizes she will leave all she loves most? Probably a great pain.. but perhaps much more than this. How is it feeling your body ruined by a illness you have  hated and you have ignored for years, hoping that you …you who have feelings , mind and heart will be stronger than it?

In those moments the words that many have told you.. that “maybe beyond will be better” are not at all soothing.

She was staying with the eyes almost closed , seeming that she was sleeping, but she wasn’t . In my mind I was praying for her to fall asleep and God sent her the most beautiful dream. But not even this was not allowed to her. Or she herself didn’t want to sleep. .because she knew that those were the last moments from this life and she didn’t want to miss anything. But the road till death is long and its end does not depend on us.

I wished to have the courage to ask God a miracle because I didn’t see any tear in her eyes. More than that she was sometimes asking clear questions who showed us that she still believed in salvation. But in the bottom of my heart I knew it wasn’t … but she was dieing with dignity so we had to suffer the same.

It was an Autumn afternoon with noises and sun outside ,but rains in my heart. A woman that I loved was getting to death with small steps. It is strange how many things would you do when you feel the Angel of death near you and when you would begged him to leave.

I stood and thought to one single bad thing that this woman did. Maybe this was the cause .But I didn’t find anything .

If there was someone who defied death, she was the one. The woman was staying as if she wasn’t afraid of anything ,but she had an easy sadness on her face.

At a certain moment I even saw a smile and I  felt quilty for all my lamentations and for my impotence to save her.

And I returned to my first thought .This woman had not any sin. And all of a sudden the truth flashed me .This woman must have been an angel. Yes!!! How come I didn’t see that till now?? A beautiful and good angel who went down on Earth and fell in love with the people, but she stayed too long and she became one of them.

This last thought settles me more. That’s why she stands the Angel of death in the same room with her…because they know each other.

And  surprisingly I realize that outside have just darked , but  with the same reddish and kind rays of Autumn.

It’s Ok. I said to my self.

God is smiling because soon an angel of him will return home.