Drag Blues

Drag Blues

A Poem by Mariko
"

Can't Stop the Blues - check it out online...

"

bodies move

Tangental lines

Like bold dashing cursive

across the floor

 

the

d curving over the a - and the flick of the g

on beat

 

 

pulse and rhythm

badaboombadaboom

catado-dadatdatdat

in sinking feet

that make glorious love with the floor

 

ecstasy that travels up and through

with the electricity of - zing! *snap*

through hip>core to shoulder>through>arm>to fingers

keeping time

 

and hips (oomPAH) to keep the dash

in the . . ____ . . ____ 

of bluesy swing

© 2011 Mariko


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this is really very good, it's better read aloud or really actively subvocalized, because your understanding of prosodics is really good. I love your similes too.
You have a lot of rhymes in the beginning that make it seem a little sing-songy (which condsidering the context is good, i just can't think of a way to say "sing-songy" with a neutral or good connotation) though the rhythm seems to get broken in the last verse.

Posted 13 Years Ago



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1 Review
Added on July 27, 2011
Last Updated on July 27, 2011

Author

Mariko
Mariko

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I am looking to improve my writing. Will give honest, blunt, opinionated reviews of others' work and openly welcome reviews of the same kind. Please note: I don't mean to be rude - I am working on .. more..

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