Inside the Window

I woke up this morning to the delicious wail of train tracks as they screeched and cried their way in and through the lush mountains of Virginia. 

There is something magical about waking up on second floors when it seems your bed is amongst tree limbs. These lazy summer Southern afternoon morns, the air wafts in heavy and full from the hazy shade -- it begs and lulls you to stay in bed and watch as time slips by. 

I stretch, luxuriantly exultant in the feel of cool sheets against bare skin and subside again into watching and listening as the world revolves outside my window. 

Outside cars pass, the train continues to cry until it has spent itself into the distance. Birds call across to one another in whistles and chirps and far off someone does something useful like mowing a lawn...

But from inside the window, time suspends and drifts... hanging by a thin thread of serenity and calm - 

I lay, barely breathing in the moment so that when time and life pull my limbs from homeostatic stillness into action I can write it down.

Some vague recollection of eternality - what peace feels like when you wake from sleeping with no agenda and only a window to time...

Reviews

[Mariko]

Thanks for the reviews! Much appreciated. I edited slightly - Definitely thanks for catching the homeostasis error... homeostatic sounds so much better.

@Venetia, I debated long and hard about "time and life pull" or "time and life pulls." I'm glad you brought it up because it made me think about it.

In the first version, it connotes that time and life together are pulling my limbs from stillness...
In the second version it connotes that time and life each separately pull my limbs from stillness... I haven't decided which is truer honestly...

But since right now it seems like time and life are inseparable, I've left them to pull together... I am really interested though in arguments on the other hand as well because I've not convinced myself!

[Nimbus Thread]

As a descriptive piece is this a very evoking offering. I do enjoy your descriptions, and for a small write this works well. " Life pull(s) my limbs from homeostasis stillness, " is just one example of an original line. (A small error.)

Some lines can be stronger. Consider, in the last paragraph, changing it to: From inside my window I am suspended and adrift... It personalize the moment and space. Just a thought, and matter of style. I hope you don't mind the suggestions. I truly enjoyed your write. Thanks for sharing. : )

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

This was an enjoyable little snippet, just a glimpse of a moment. I liked your descriptions. I'd suggest throwing in a few shorter sentences, though. The long, eloquent ones are nice, and I love writing them, too, but when they make up the entire story, it bogs the reader down--especially when you have so many long phrases without commas, like "The air wafts in, heavy and full from the outside hazy shade that begs and lulls you to stay in bed and watch as time slips by." That one sentence isn't bad in itself, it's just when you have so many like it.

The last sentence/paragraph seems like it could be polished, too. Maybe it's just me, but "homeostasis stillness" doesn't make sense. "Homeostasis" is a noun, but you're using it as an adjective with "stillness." Also, you might just want to read over the sentence and see if there is a way you could break it down and smooth it over, while still keeping the reflective, dream-like tone.

I'm only being picky because I really liked reading this--you have a lot of talent and you seem eager to improve! Nice work.