No rewind.

A Poem by Amorous Palm

I've misused my time,

and I'm not really fine,

But then again,

there's no rewind,

And I'm sick and tired,

of wondering why,

And I'm so sick and tired,

of wasting my time,

And of myself,

I despise,

I wish you saw yourself,

through my eyes,

© 2024 Amorous Palm

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Reviews

JayG

• I've misused my time,

In what way?

• and I'm not really fine,

What can this mean to anyone but you? Is "Not really fine," closer to "fine" than "I'm almost fine?" "not really," is pretty generic.

I mean no insult, but most of what you have posted is what I tend to call, "Woe is me," poetry that's about you in a generic way. Yes, it's you "getting it off your chest," but what's in it for the reader? We don't know who's talking, what motivated them to talk, or anything that would generate more than an, "Uh-huh."

But poetry isn't us telling strangers how we feel. Legitimately, their response would be, "Who cares?"

People come to poetry to be made to care and feel, via things meaningful to THEM. So, instead of telling them we're sad, we make them know what sadness feels like by evoking the emotion in THEM.

Instead of telling readers we cried, we give the hem reason to weep. And though it sounds strange, they thank us for it.

You have the power, through your choice of and placement of words, to make the reader feel the emotions of your choice...if you learn the skills of poetry that have been developed and refined over the centuries.

For example, prosody. You're rhyming, yes, but the pattern for the rhyming seems to be a now and then thing, with words chosen more for the fact that they rhyme than for the thought being expressed.

In other words, a bit of research into the skills of poetry could make a huge difference — and, make the act of writing it more fun.

For unstructured poetry, grab a copy of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook, from the site linked to, below. It's an excellent first book and filled with gems.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

For structured poetry like this, take a look at the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He will amaze you with things about language that we never notice.

The book, itself, is excellent. Enough so that I bought copies for all three of my kids. But Mary Oliver's, Rules For the Dance, is, perhaps, better. I'd look at it, too before deciding.

And finally, to see the power of well done structured poetry, take a read of The Cremation of Sam McGee. Written over 100 years ago, the compelling rhythm of the structure still has the power to get you nodding in time with it, and laughing at the end,
https://www.shmoop.com/cremation-sam-mcgee/poem-text.html

Sorry my news isn't better. But given that the problem is both common and invisible to the author, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

Posted 7 Months Ago

• I've misused my time,

In what way?

• and I'm not really fine,

What can this mean to anyone but you? Is "Not really fine," closer to "fine" than "I'm almost fine?" "not really," is pretty generic.

I mean no insult, but most of what you have posted is what I tend to call, "Woe is me," poetry that's about you in a generic way. Yes, it's you "getting it off your chest," but what's in it for the reader? We don't know who's talking, what motivated them to talk, or anything that would generate more than an, "Uh-huh."

But poetry isn't us telling strangers how we feel. Legitimately, their response would be, "Who cares?"

People come to poetry to be made to care and feel, via things meaningful to THEM. So, instead of telling them we're sad, we make them know what sadness feels like by evoking the emotion in THEM.

Instead of telling readers we cried, we give the hem reason to weep. And though it sounds strange, they thank us for it.

You have the power, through your choice of and placement of words, to make the reader feel the emotions of your choice...if you learn the skills of poetry that have been developed and refined over the centuries.

For example, prosody. You're rhyming, yes, but the pattern for the rhyming seems to be a now and then thing, with words chosen more for the fact that they rhyme than for the thought being expressed.

In other words, a bit of research into the skills of poetry could make a huge difference — and, make the act of writing it more fun.

For unstructured poetry, grab a copy of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook, from the site linked to, below. It's an excellent first book and filled with gems.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

For structured poetry like this, take a look at the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He will amaze you with things about language that we never notice.

The book, itself, is excellent. Enough so that I bought copies for all three of my kids. But Mary Oliver's, Rules For the Dance, is, perhaps, better. I'd look at it, too before deciding.

And finally, to see the power of well done structured poetry, take a read of The Cremation of Sam McGee. Written over 100 years ago, the compelling rhythm of the structure still has the power to get you nodding in time with it, and laughing at the end,
https://www.shmoop.com/cremation-sam-mcgee/poem-text.html

Sorry my news isn't better. But given that the problem is both common and invisible to the author, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles:  https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos:  https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” 
~ E. L. Doctorow

Rating /100