Im losing it

Two plus two equals four,

I know,

But I still insist it equals five,

this isnt first grade anymore

Not a fairytale, this is life

I found myself today,

With so much on my mind,

And so much s**t to say,

Kinda wanted to die, 

Really wanted to cry, 

Yet-- all i did

was let out a big sigh,

I scream and scream,

all day and all night,

Im struggling,

Im fighting for my life,

I wake up everyday,

I smile and I laugh,

It's all fake,

Cause really,

there is nothing good to say,

Cause really, Even though I scream and scream,

People still seem,

to always leave,

The screaming is silent,

But it hurts so bad,

My brain is on Auto-pilot,

I panic, then I'm mad,

Control,

I'm losing it,

Im losing the one thing that kept me alive,

But I've known this the entire time, 

It's the definition of Insanity,

The thought of suicide,

Even when you've lost someone,

Cause they couldn't keep going,

It wasnt just life itself, 

Vanessa just couldn't handle

  her own Mental health.

    I miss you<3