Hymn of Desperation

 

Dark clouds close cerulean sky

Lightening claps a slow day gone by

I wait, yet sun I can not see

O my Lord, I need your mercy

 

Rain drops fall steadily on my face

I beckon for your tender grace

In harsh grays of waves, splash of sea

O my Lord, I need your mercy

 

I know my worth in my disguise

Earthly mud I am in your eyes

Longing pursue what I need be

O my Lord, I need your mercy

 

Here, all I have I give to you

What is mine is all I could do

Please take what I contain, I plea

O my Lord, I need your mercy

 

When, alas, the sun I will feel

In your loved presence I will heal

My voice will be lifted in glee

O Lord, you have shown me mercy

Author's Note

Tell me what you think!

Reviews

[Antony]

We call out to our creator, when all hope is lost and we are at our lowest hour and he always seems to hear us and his love for us, heals us. I have seen this so many times, it is how we know that there is a greater power and we begin to have faith again. When we ask our God for forgiveness and mercy and we are sincere, he will answer us. I like how you put this into your own life and made a prayer out of it. Well done Mary.
Antony

[-Adam-]

Another wonderful piece Mary. Once again the words that you have used are great. I love how the end insinuates there is always a way out of a dark place. Great work yet again!

-Adam-

[Azaradelle]

Lovely in all its darkness.

This piece cries out to a reader, and forces him to feel.
And even though by the end this feeling is somewhat relieved, the sadness still remains.
Much like a prayer, and chillingly soothing.

Well done.

Yrs.

Azaradelle.

[Lorraine Pearson]

Its title tells me you are in a place of deep saddness...seeking forgiveness desperately. Ideally it is a hymn, but I find it quite prayerful as well. I ache for the pain of the character who is so contrite. I believe you achieved your goal. I see the beauty in the grief.
~Lorraiyne

[Emel Kay]

When reading this poem, I had to put aside that aching academic part of my brain that shouted "no, don't get caught up in that a-a, b-b structure!" and the "da DA da DA da DA da DA" angst that I am supposed to feel. What I've learned is, sometimes I musn't apply what post modern writing wants me to apply. Being very far from this structure of poem in anything I write, I wanted to make sure I didn't apply my values to it.
When I finally got over that, I really loved your poem!
What I like about it is this: many people want to use very large words that arn't part of everyday speech in their poetry because they think that's what makes a poem. They think that since all the classic poets (Yeats, Poe, Donne, etc) wrote that way, that they must to reach the same effect. However, you didn't do this. You used your OWN language to show your OWN prayer. That is just damned sexy if you ask me.
Secondly, you stayed in your structure, which takes patience and skill.
Thirdly, when you did use archaic language, you didn't overdue it (not alot of thee and thine stuff). Most people who use that language don't know the actual rules of use, but you did it tastefully and tactfully.

All and all, this is a lovely piece of poetry that needs almost no work. Thanks for the good read!

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Indeed! I might pray that prayer tonight! I really like your work.
"Dark clouds close cerulean sky
Lightening claps a slow day gone by
I wait, yet sun I can not see"
The rhythm in this poem is fabulous as well as your imagery. The first line draws the reader in and gives the imagination a vivid illustration of rain clouds closing in on a rainy day. You also hit the mark of your use of symbolism. Like previously stated the poem is great! An immediate classic.