Gabo

I sat across the cherry oak table with Gabo
settling a sip of red wine in my sultry mouth
watching intent crisp green ice lettuce slide
smoothly into his. Listening to his mastication.
His lips parting to glide out loud proclamations
on a fine wine, a prodigious salad with oils,
intelligent conversation, a voluptuous lady
with much lighted grace and virginal beauty
on a moonlit night for Shakespearean lovers.
Feeling light-headed with spirits, I touched

 

his hand in repositioning for an elegant waltz.
Time was circulating about in cruel numbers.
I knew this was a reverie from which I wanted
no return, yet dreading his death was imminent
One final dance for the sake of recreating aged
memories; a climactic crux within releasing
passions; reserved for mortals with longer
life spans or immortals tasting a glimpse of
their youth. My Gabo was breathing his last
breath! Taken by the seducing perfumes of

 

magnolia and orange blossom; absorbing my
feminine scent, vitality, whimsical ideals,
goddess-like curves and youthful optimism.
He looked at me with jovial eyes, released a
deep sigh and I let him die in my arms as we
so planned. I laid him on the ground to have
my flooding tears wash his face. My hair
casing his chest, sobbed expressions expelled.
Goodbye, dark Gabo. I have known you well.

Author's Note

My thought is that Gabo is old and has taken on a young wife. He loves her youthfulness, etc. She can't stand him yet feel some sort of connection. I believe she to be even capable of poisoning his food but the poem never specifically says so and neither will I...Tell me what you think and I'll try my best to look from your view.

Reviews

[OceanTropic]

I feel somehow that she had a chance to prevent his death, but chose not too. She doesn't want to be a murderer, but at the same time being rid of him would be a relief. She did something selfish knowing she cannot fully be blamed.
"I let him die in my arms as we so planned."
I don't think poison. She didn't kill him she just chose not to save him. He knew he was going to die but he never knew she had a chance to prevent his death. She cried because someone had just died in her arms... but nothing more. She was traumatized. It is never easy to witness a death, but she allowed it to be his last breath.

[poddar kushal]

a gift of story telling... i enjoy specially how you have controlled a short story into the tidy format of a nice poem!

[Emel Kay]

It is indeed a solid poem, very rich in its descriptions much like the food being digested. Since the language is so rich, I would try to stay away from using the phrase "star crossed lovers", another writer already penned that and, with no disrespect, I don't think any of us are going to be able to claim it as our own.
Normally I warn people about using Latinate words like butter over bread, but you seem to make it work pretty well in this piece, and I don't think that advisement is needed for you.
Also, I enjoyed how you were delicate in your choice of topic and how to reveal that topic. I could see alot of folk just going right to the climax, because the climax is most riveting and hard to stay away from. But you seem to languor in the chance at circling the precipice, and I can't help but admire that in a writer, nomatter the subject. You did a very fine job with this one, honestly. I applaud your skill.

[Steve Thompson]

Solid piece, I didn't assume anything I thought of it as it was.
Good writing,
magnolia and orange blossom; absorbing my
feminine scent, vitality, whimsical ideals...like that a lot.

[badgirl beth]

And as his body lain limp in her hollow eyes of in-decision....her mind wondering if this is but a dream!!!!
She dare not lood further than the moment...As she feels a faint breath from his mouth upon her arm...Now,,she fears the worse has yet to begin............
Bravo!!!!..what a great start to a book......

[thecoolone52]

ehy i liked it and good author's note it cleared me up i was thinkin that it was like a romeo and juliet thing but i dont know it was still good