You Can Break

“Yeah. She’s smiling. But don’t let that fool you. Look into her eyes. She’s breaking inside.”

A kind smile and angelic voice filled Aspen’s mind. The memory seemed to block out the evil gurgles of laughter from the little monsters and Mr Thomas’ maniacal smile…well for a little while at least.  With a loud thud and the unclicking of seatbelts, Aspen opened her eyes. AS she opened them the sweet smile of a redheaded nurse vanished and in its place stood reality.

Even though a month had passed since that fateful night and even though she had been smothered with the Zhangs’ kindness Aspen still hadn’t completely healed, mentally or physically. IN fact if you looked inside her heart you could see that it was doubtful she ever would.

There was a darkness looming there. Darkness stood in her heart surrounded by deathly silence and his face hidden within the vast shadows. . Always waiting and always ready. Like an animal it crouched, waiting to pounce.

But instead of violence, Darkness brought Aspen a dark sense of insecurity, loneliness and fear. Leaving the once beautiful and smiling Aspen Thomas a fragile shell of who she once was.

Now finally emerging from the red Ute, the house that stood before was a sanctuary and yet a horrible nightmare. Because the house, with patterned curtains framing the windows and shoes piled in a haphazardly beside the bright green front door, was the perfect picture of what she could have had. It was a vision of what her family should have been. And it could have been like that, but the God that the church talked about seemed to want to cruelly tear it from her. As she walked slowly up to the house, she wondered.

If the man who spoke of such a loving God why would so many awful things happen to her? If He was so loving why would her family have been torn apart? Why would her father had hurt her? Why would �"

Her line of thought was cut off abruptly as a small hand slipped into hers. Tearing her thoughts from where they had been, to glance down and see a little head covered with short, brown locks of hair. Louis Zhang was holding her hand.

Louis was much like his older sister; opinionated, loud and confident (even though he had only turned four a little while ago). As if sensing Aspen’s green eyes upon in him the little boy tilted his head to look up at her. Aspen watched in fascination, as his little eyebrows scrunched together in concentration. After a few long moments the little boy spoke, with a serious tone that could have made Aspen laugh

“You know even though you have a big hole in you cheek you are really really pretty.”

Not giving her a chance to reply Louis spoke again “How did you get that hole, Pen? Mummy says that a bad man did it to you.” His little brown eyes lit up in excitement as his vast imagination filled with tales of monsters “did he have big, yellow eyes, huge teeth and sharp claws” his eyes widened even further as the wheels in his head continued moving at an awestriking pace “was he like the monsters in my story books?”

Like any little boy would, Louis took her stunned silence as a yes, and he ran off as fast as his chubby legs would let him, towards the bright green front door, yelling “Mummy! Daddy! Guess what! Pen got the hole in her cheek by a big, bad monster!!!”

As Louis’ voice faded, a new voice came from behind her �" one that she had never expected to hear. Slowly she spun, hoping that she was wrong and the he wasn’t here. But she was wrong.

Before her stood Brodie Sangster, a bunch of brightly coloured lilies clasped tightly in his hand and a shy, uncertain smile plastered on his lips. Like always his brown hair sat in unruly waves, dancing in rhythm with the gentle breeze. But since she had seen him last his eyes no longer held that all too familiar excited twinkle and cherished innocence. Instead his brown eyes seemed dull, lifeless and filled with emotions that Aspen had wished he would never have to endure again.

For a moment they merely stared at each other, both seeming to wait for the other to say something first. Suddenly remembering her destroyed scalp hidden by the green beanie she wore. Frightened that he would see her bald scalp, she hurriedly pulled the beanie until it fell well over her ears.

“Don’t worry about it, Pen,” Brodie said “It doesn’t matter to me.”

Aspen pulled her arms to her sides, awkwardly waiting for him to say something else. Warily, and with uncertainty will every step, he moved closer to her whilst holding to bunch of lilies before him like a peace offering. Slowly, Aspen reached for the flowers, her pale hand gently wrapping themselves around that stems of the flower. As Aspen brought the white, orange and pink flowers to her nose, Brodie spoke again.

“Why didn’t you tell me that day in Italian?”” his gentle voice, now starting to sound more determined and angry “I could have helped you �" “

Surprising both of them, Aspen spoke “You couldn’t have Brodie.”

Like a child he pleaded, his eye seeming to glisten “But I could have, Pen!”

Suddenly as she had been with Lealia, she felt herself sill with a sense of strength that she didn’t have and suddenly be able to put on a face showing how confident, happy and strong she was. Aspen raised her hand to his cheek, marveling at how soft it felt beneath her palm and surprised at how his cheek was wet with tears that she hadn’t seen fall. Moving his face so that Brodie was forced to look directly at her.

“I don’t think anyone could have,” forcing a bright laugh she continued “and anyway Prince Charmings don’t exist in real life.”

Her poor joke did not brighten Brodie’s features. As he spoke, his voice was filled with confused wonder “How can you be so strong, Pen!? You have been so hurt, so destroyed, and yet you can smile!”

Surprising herself, she felt her secrets and fears spilling from her mouth “But I’m not strong, Brodie! I am weak and broken and I don’t think I can pretend anymore! I am not sure how much longer I can do this. I don’t think I will be able to force anymore smiles or pretend that I am not falling apart at the seams or act as if I am not scared of the shadows that come when I am alone. Or pretend that I’m not scared that one day I will break, and will hurt people like Dadda did to me.”

Forgetting his queries, his face clouded over to be replaced with grief. Barely thinking about what his actions may cause to Aspen, Brodie pulled her to him. His warmth and skin against hers made Aspen flinch and dozens of thoughts filled her mind of running and screaming for help. But she didn’t. Instead she found herself melting into his embrace and hiding her tears in his navy blue sweater. For the first time in so many years she felt safe and protected in a man’s arms. In Brodie’s arms she remembered how much she had missed him and just how much he meant to her.

If someone walked by all the wood see is a young couple wrapped in each other’s arms, with the young man gently running his hands up and down her back. But if they listened really closely, they could hear the soft words of comfort he was whispering softly in the girl’s ear.