Heaven's Song

“Religion is for people who fear hell, spirituality is for people who have been there"

- David Bowie

The closeness of those around Aspen made it hard for her to breathe and sweat to drip from where they appeared under her green beanie to her pretty button nose. It felt like there was no other part of her body that wasn’t touching anothers. And throughout the car ride to the local church it seemed like all she could see, hear and smell was Déshi Zhang who sat in the driver’s seat chatting happily away to his wife about his newest endeavour at the university. Though her best friend’s father did not frighten her as much as the first morning she had seen him, the sight of him still made unwanted memories overwhelm her. The stubble of Déshi’s chin and cheek reminded Aspen of her father’s which had dripped with sweat and alcohol as he hit her. The sound of Mr Zhang’s deep voice reminded her of her father’s as he told her that he would hurt her. As the memories shoved against her, Aspen found herself pressing closer and closer to the baby seat that sat beside her, which carried a very precious cargo.

In complete desperation for the memories to leave her she shut her eyes tightly and clenched her balls into fists until she swore that little beads of blood had appeared from where her nail had dug into her skin. Suddenly Aspen felt a light touch against her hand and opened her eyes to find Evangeline’s brown eyes staring at her and sad frown on her face. Not taking her eyes from the baby’s face she relaxed her hands. As Evie grabbed one of Aspen’s fingers and held it tightly in her hand, Aspen felt the memories abandon her. Still holding Aspen’s finger, Evangeline looked out the windows to see cars flying passed them.

Even though she had lived Collingsburg since she was a baby she had never set foot in a church and had not given it a glance when walking passed it. So the simple brick building that stood in front of her was not at all what she had been expecting. Aspen had been expecting a church from the movies, with high arching windows, she had expected an old man wearing robes of white praying for those who entered the church’s doors. So minutes later when the red Ute came to a stop in front of a normal looking building, Aspen had thought they had brought her to the wrong place. But then she saw the simple wooden cross that sat in an angelic halo of light on the building’s roof, and the various young and old people who were walking unhurriedly into the building chatting happily while holding a Bible as if it was completely normal.

As the Aspen and the rest of the Zhang family exited the car and made their way to the church’s’ doors ,no old man in white robes came up to the bless them with holy water. Walking into doors made everything so real and frightening, so she hurried to catch up with Lealia and grabbed her hand, gripping it tightly.  Lealia smiled up Aspen and gently rubbed her thumb along Aspen’s hand. Each stroke meaning

“I’m here”

The Zhang family sat down in one of the pews towards the back of the hall, and almost instantly Louis had begun taking out his fighting figurines and Evangeline was given a soft toy and her dummy. Around Aspen she could hear dozens of different conversations and to her utter despair some were directed at her. Most of them were inconsequential until she heard a little boy’s voice rise over everyone else’s chatter.

“Mummy, why is that girl holding Lealia’s hand?”

“I don’t know, Samuel darling,” his mother replied

“Why is she wearing a beanie? And why does she have that funny scar on her cheek?” he asked persistently

Suddenly Anaelle stood in front of Aspen with a near asleep Evangeline in her arms and a slightly cross expression on her face.

“I noticed that you liked holding Evie, Aspen dear, and I thought you might like to hold her during the service?”

Aspen nodded, already yearning for the comfort the little girl brought her. As she bent down to nuzzle Evangeline’s tiny nose with her own, Aspen missed seeing Anaelle and Lealia exchanging relieved glances; glad that the baby girl had distracted Aspen from what people were saying about her.

The congregation was hushed as a young man rose and prayed. While he prayed Aspen’s head remained upright and her eyes open. What she saw left her in awe. The sight she saw was absolutely beautiful, every head was bent in prayer, every eye was closed as they seemed to have a one on one moment with this man they called God. The prayer ended with a chorus of amens, and what followed it was the voice of an angel.

A young woman stood up the front, not a day older than 30. Her deep red hair was pulled into a careless bun, with tiny curls escaping the tie’s hold, her white dress seemed too glittered in the sunlight and her pale arms were raised in worship as she sung.

We have come, as one heart, as one voice
To join heaven’s endless song on the earth
Lifting up our adoration towards Your throne
Praises rise, songs of love are now ascending
For the King, for the Lamb,
Who gave His life to save us…

Half way through heaven’s song the congregation had risen and soon the angelic voice was joined with others. From where she sat, still holding Evie, she could see so many people. Some singing and clapping along, others singing while raising their hands high. Others did not sing at all; instead they knelt in front of their seats their mouths opening and closing, as if they were talking quietly.

With one last ringing note, the woman’s song was over and the rest of the congregation had sunk back into their seats, some with tears in their eyes. The rest of the service continued, but Aspen only caught a few words of it: God, Corinthians and love. When the final song had been sung and the last prayer said, people began filing out of the hall though Aspen heard no cars leaving with them.

After the majority of people had left the hall, Lealia stood and Aspen followed, still holding a sleeping Evangeline and refusing to let her go. As she and Lealia left the hall, Aspen was surprised to find that most of the congregation had stayed in the foyer with a cup of coffee and biscuit in their hands. After a few moments of standing quietly in a corner, as Mr and Mrs Zhang mingled, a sweet voice filled Aspen’s ears.

“Hi”

Aspen looked up to find the woman who had sung earlier standing in front of her and Lealia, a kind smile on her face. As Aspen looked at her, a sudden memory filled her mind of a nurse. A nurse with curly, red hair telling her to count to ten. The woman who had sent her to a place where Mr Thomas little monsters couldn’t chase her, was the same woman who had sung with the voice of an angel.