The darkest kind of widsom

I wrote this after reading some incredible poetry that was raw and real.

I'll never really be like you

Tough like assault dogs that moan all night,

Ill never be hard or guarded or smart,

enough to to grasp your icy remarks

I see you from the corner of my eyes 

To look you straight on, I’m blind

 

I haven’t suffered a hard life,

I’m the light of my parents' loving eyes,

I’m soft and innocent, slightly repressed,

Ready to agree at your request,

 

But you devour for your gut,

forbidden fruit for lunch

Your fingers undo pretense’s dress,

Words slither over your naked tongue

 

As you write demented masterpieces,

I’m smelling flowers and smiling at babies,

And since those don’t quench my desires,

Ill read your stark sentences:

You squeeze out the words

 and I’ll swallow them down

Like a glass of communion wine in a jar.

Author's Note

Thanks so much for reading!
Feel free to critique.

Reviews

[AliciaB]

Wow. Talk about "incredible poetry that is raw and real" - this was definitely it! This poem expresses the very interesting perspective of looking from the outside in on some of the really dark experiences of other people. I can definitely relate to that - it's heartrending at times to read about what people have been through and written about. But as you say in this poem, that kind of experience does bring about a measure of wisdom. This poem contains extremely powerful language that does an excellent job of conveying your message. The third full stanza, as well as the phrases "icy remarks" and "demented masterpieces", are especially powerful. And that last stanza blows me away. Beautifully done!

[maricoona91]

Thank you so much for your critique, Alicia!

[Terpsichore]

No critique needed; I think this a superbly crafted piece, and the closing stanza is a true poetic gem.

T

[maricoona91]

thank you for reading!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the ending hit me...i was raised Catholic so that simile really words...

the metaphors in this are great....4th stanza and the allusion to a predator who assaults...he assaults the speaker in good ways and bad ways...she just reacts...without choice...

this is very smart writing.

[maricoona91]

Ah, thank you! I appreciate it and will take your comments into consideration.
Marina

[Chris]

Real? Fair enough.

You wrote of just how "The Walking Dead" binds so many to a screen ON A SUNDAY night ...and you did it with being the person you are.

I think the "Manure grows gardens in your distress" line comes across as being a little hard for most to initially read (and casually accept) on a first time through... but it readily works for a few.

[maricoona91]

Ahhh thank you so much for a line of critique! I think the 2nd actual critique I have gotten on this sight haha. I appreciate it greatly!

[Chris]

Some "comments" are really a critique if you give them thought. Perceptions are what we as poets and writers present... how well "they" get-it or not becomes apparent.

[maricoona91]

Yes..I should be less critical of my critics haha. Thanks, Chris!

[Chris]

Heck no! Laughing here - but you WILL get a lot of "Good work, keep writing!" and such.

[Insight "MH"]

The heart is sometimes so starnge, it loves what your mind tells you to heat. That was wonderful, I loved every bit of it.


Insight.

[maricoona91]

Thank you for reading! I really appreciate it! It is interesting the different kinds of people and the perceptions of them that we have.

[Insight "MH"]

You are welcome.

[Robert Parlange]

Like yourself, I suffer from the handicap of loving parents and a great childhood.

Look, fiction and poetry is all about emotion. The old adage of “write what you know” should really be “write what you feel.”

Emotion and empathy should be the catalyst for your poetry. I think you have that covered.

[maricoona91]

Thanks for the encouragement!

[A. Amos]

I love the feel, emotions and the depth of this poem. Truly an amazing piece of art and such work make direct connection with reader soul. Epic!

[maricoona91]

Thanks a lot, Amos, I appreciate it a lot!

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome...

[alifeacoustic]

I see you from the corners of my eyes, to look you straight on im blind.
As you write demented masterpieces, im smelling flowers and smiling at babies.
Sounds to me like we know some of the same people.
I really like the pro and con aspect of this. Opposites attract, but like polar opposites, can repel too.
Lots of great lines here. Brilliant write.

[maricoona91]

Hey, thanks for reading I really appreciate it! It is interesting the pros and cons of people who are troubled yet are incredible artists. I guess I want to know if I can be a good writer but not be demented haha.
Thank you!!!

[alifeacoustic]

Well you are doing great so far. Just try to steer clear of the crazy :)

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome...

[Kay]

Wow! Powerful words here to convey your message towards this other individual's work. It's awesome that someone's poetry inspired you to write this piece--I love it. Awesome job! :)

[maricoona91]

Thanks so much! Yea, someone on this site actually inspired me haha
Thanks for reading!