My Deep Ocean

Intoxicating love and two people drowning in it. Until their little universe was shattered, leaving emptiness in their souls.

As she laid in the hospital bed she looked into his deep blue eyes… Not the ordinary sky blue, or the colour of the paint flaking off of the old shed in the back of the field, or even the little flowers that spring up by the side of the road. His eyes were blue like the sea, crystal clear blue- shimmering and crashing and churning. Looking into his eyes you could hear the waves falling against the shore, seeing the foam fly into the air. His eyes were blue like the sky right before the sun disappears- a dark rich indigo, with specks of wild colours here and there. His eyes were blue like that warm wool sweater that you put on when the air gets that chill- comfortable, warm and familiar. The way he looked back at her made her heart lose a beat… and then start beating even faster. She needed him. She knew that without him she is nothing. She knew that without him her life will fall apart.

She was drowning in this intoxicating love. Out of everyone; she chose him…. And she loved every moment spent with him. He was her soulmate, her friend and her dear lover.
She closed her eyes as he held her hand tightly.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was the love of his life and the only person that made him a better man. The one that took care of him. Held him. Loved him. The love that nestled in his soul now reached out with clawed hand about his neck. He struggled for breath and choked back the tears hiding behind his eyes.

Her auburn hair, now thin and wane, lay in wisps over the hospital pillow.

She struggled to open her eyes.

He recalled their first meeting, shy and tentative. He recalled their first date, first kiss and their marriage vows. He recalled the beautiful night of love….
In the twilight room where their fingers caressed each other’s skin as if afraid a heavier touch would break the heady magic. They became whole, with one mind with one goal and one purpose, each utterly drunk with love for the other.It wasn’t the first time for either of them, but they were so nervous it was hard to discern. There’s something about him that makes her light up from the inside. There’s something about her that melts his confidence to nothing but a distant dream.
He recalled the sorrow when they lost their first child. Through everything, the good and the bad, they had clung together like two sailors in a storm. He would have laid down his life for her and she would have for him. They were two halves that made a whole. He knew for certainty that the love that had saved him would now break him. He stroked her hand and told her the story of how he fell for her twenty years previously, how she had captured his heart and he had never regretted a single moment of his time with her. Then he kissed her head and told her to hold on, promising that he would would stay with her and that she would be alright….

A cry- loud and long- it had no bottom and no top, just circles and circles of sorrow…Nurses rushed into the room…. She had her last breath; yet he never let go.

Reviews

[Cagan]

The emotions conveyed through this piece are very real and the description is fantastic. The perspective shift is slightly awkward, however. I think the part from the male perspective is the stronger part of this piece by far. Good story, and welcome to writers cafe!

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful story told.
"A cry- loud and long- it had no bottom and no top, just circles and circles of sorrow…Nurses rushed into the room…. She had her last breath; yet he never let go."
True love is part of us forever. In death or not. Thank you June for sharing the excellent story of love.
Coyote

[Maria Prikhodko]

Thank you :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Nicole Schuster]

From the beginning I was intrigued. From the title, I thought that this would be about nature or something along those lines, but I was pleasantly surprised that instead of describing the world's features, you used those features to describe something else, someone to whom you (the speaker) had a deep connection to. This is so full of emotion, and your word choice perfectly enhances the powerful, deep story. Well done :)

[Maria Prikhodko]

This is what I was trying to do :) Grab people's attention and make them dive into the story. I wanted to fill the story with emotions and feelings. Thank you :)

[Takeshi Yamada]

Nice metaphor of the ocean to the man's eyes. Your descriptions are great and well-written. I'm not sure if you intentionally jump from the man to the woman's perspectives. It's generally advised to stick to a single perspective, but I feel the closeness between these two characters is supported by the perspective shifting, since it gives me a feeling of a world all their own, one they share.

[Maria Prikhodko]

Thank you :)

[barleygirl]

This story of deep true lasting love on the deathbed of one of the lovers could be a much-used storyline, but you've poured in so many details & painted so many vivid memories, it is elevated to a priceless moment between two people in love. Despite the inherent sorrow of the situation, this mostly feels like a tribute to all the good things this couple shared thru the years, & therefore, it's an uplifting piece. May we all be so mindful of the things we appreciate about all loved ones. Thanks for sharing this poignant write.

[A hare off]

A beautiful and tender story of deep devotion, a true eternal love I enjoyed reading this today, and even though it was sad, there was a happiness in the feelings it expressed.

[M P Ramesh]

june,
Drink the elixir of emotions..write on them..about them...share
Its a warm hug by reading such instant pieces

carry on.............


M P Ramesh