Poem of Abhorrence

In pain dwell fine,

Rose,

While the horror of your shunning

Displays evidence for stares

As dawn denies its caress

Upon your laborious form.

Playful ray of master sun

Around you in loathing moves

Never heating again,

Rose,

Your kind center’s open wound.

Obsessed with your young frame was

He who touching you eschews

Because your petals are falling.

The ray cannot keep straight

For he sees you grow and swell

With heat and time

And with children.

This is the bud you procured

For the sun to bathe in gold,

Yet gratitude remains cold

As your deed augments the glory

Of excess effort yet sullies

Your temporary coat of dew. 

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

Beautiful use of words... I'm stunned by the way you have created this work... Lots of beautiful imageries along with a powerful concept... So craftly managed and presented... Excellent job mate...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Marian Elizabeth]

Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed it :)

[V]

I think the first part from line 1-11 read perfectly to my mind's ear yet the part that follows underwent a different chain of thoughts, maybe even mood, it reads like a poetic shift from one form into another. Your word use is very nice, there's so much to gain from all the words and images you throw out to the reader.

[Marian Elizabeth]

This is an old poem, and I feel that my style has changed, but I still identify my own voice here. I guess that different themes invite different words and different words proceed to invite a different rhythm... Since I began exploring Bohemianism, my style has been less conventional :) thank you for the review.

[V]

You're welcome. Your PoV makes sense to me.