Chapter Four (Indie).

I was sitting on my bed, alone on a friday night. I lit a candle on my windowsill then pulled out a sheet of notebook paper and began to write. Day twenty two. 

Dear Alden,

Today i'm even more confused then usual about why you left that morning. Things seemed good, like we could go somewhere. Unlike most people, i felt like i could trust you, but you already know that from previous letters. I can't help but wish that instead of sitting here alone, you could be with me. Especially today, because today was bad. I felt distant from everyone and everything and i kept forgetting things. My head feels blurry. I just want to lie down on the floor of my room with my head on your chest while we stare at the ceiling. I know that seems dumb, or maybe girly, but i don't care. I just love you. And i'm not quite sure why that is, because i don't even know you. I know that you have brown hair and greenish eyes and that you drink. And that's it. My heart aches to learn everything...

The phone rang.

"Hello?" I put my pencil down.

"INIDE! Oh my god there's this show tonight and we HAVE to go!" I could tell by the excited voice that it was Vera.

"What time does it start?" I asked.

"Ten." She said, impatiently. I swore i heard her fingers tapping even through the phone.

"I can't."

"Indie! Why?!"

"I'm tired."

"I'm sick of that bullshit. It's seven now, i'll pick you up in thirty minutes! Okay?"

"God, okay. Where is it?" On days like this, i just wanted to stay home and curl up in my bed.

"It's in Estlin."

"All the way in Estlin!"

"Yeah. But Indie, it's okay! You can sleepover my house after and tommorow is saturday so we'll sleep in late and it'll be fun!"

"Okay, thirty minutes?"

"Yup!"

"Alirght." I clicked the phone down and read over what i had just wrote until i got to the last sentence. "My heart aches to learn everything..." I started writing again to finish.

...about you. 

Love, Indie.

I folded the letter up and put it in the bundle with the twenty one other letters i had written. Writing the letters made Alden more real to me. More then just a memory.

Vera showed up, her long blonde hair pulled into a loose ponytail. She was wearing a short grey dress with a floral cardigan over it and her white tom's shoes. By looking at her, you would think she worked for some modeling agency. She was tall and leggy and gorgeous. I felt insignificant around her, even though people usually told me i was prettier. I guess you could never trust my own judgement, especially on myself. My self esteem wasn't that high.

I was wearing skinny jeans with an oversized pink floyd t-shirt. I never really liked the bands music, but their symbol was so inspiring to me. A prism that turned a white line into a rainbow. I wished that i could see the world like that. More colorful and interesting then it really was.

"Your hair!" Vera squeeled as soon as she entered my house.

"You like it?" I asked, smiling.

"LOVE it!"

I was trying a new hairstyle. It wasn't anything too fancy, just a bun on the top of my head. But my hair was so long and full that it looked more like a loose mess- but that was how i always wore it anyways.

"Alright, I'm ready when you are." Vera said, her keys already in her hand.

"You driving?" I asked. She jiggled the keys in front of me and skipped off. I followed.

We were halfway there when Vera squeeled again "OH MY GOD! What if he's there?" She looked over at me and winked.

"Who is he?" I played dumb.

"Alden!"

"Oh my god, Vera." I rolled my eyes.

"What! You loveddd him."

"Did not!" I lied. I didn't like to admit that i liked anyone enough to need them.

"Would you talk to him?" She asked. I shrugged my shoulders and we sat in quiet for a minute.

"Yes." I said, sounding more confident then i was.

"Good." Vera said, smiling over at me.

"Oh my god! Turn it up!" Vera reached over and turned the knob up on the radio.

And I try to just keep moving on with my broken heart and my absent God. I sang along in my head to the song on the radio.

"Bright eyes?" Vera asked.

"What else?!" I laughed. I loved this song.

We got to the show around 9:30, early enough to hear the opening bands. The first one was good, but the second one sucked. It was three teenage guys and this girl with a god-awful voice. When they finished, someone coughed.

We sat down in a booth, waiting for the real band to start, and ordered two root beers.

"Staying sober tonight?" I asked Vera.

"My parents started testing me every weekend." She shrugged. I nodded.

"Sucks."

I leaned back and looked around, subconciously scanning for Alden. I knew he wouldn't be here. After-all, it was an hour away. Even if he was, he would be drunk like he had been the first we met. I took a sip of my root beer and tried to just listen to the music.