Retracing Steps

Well, I have a normal story, except the fact that I was murdered, and my killer remained unknown for... And driven by who knows what, to kill innocent, little me. What could I have done to deserve my fate that day? No, it wasn't my wrongdoing, they played

 

“Man, I want to go home!” Ellen pouted next to me. I nodded and sighed. We both sat in the cafeteria, her munching away, and me just sitting there. I didn't eat the cafeteria food, it was nasty, not to mention horrible for your body. If grease could be used as a fuel, the grease from the cafeteria each day would be enough to run the entire country. At every sight and smell of it my body would scream in disgust. Ellen tore into her hoagie drenched in ranch dressing. I was certainly surprised at how thin she remained throughout the school year from that food. She was a lucky one, whose body did not store all that fat and grease served to her. It amazed me.

My eyes scanned the cafeteria, like they did each day, looking for Jack. He sat on the other side of the room with his friends. Chris unfortunately, was also in my lunch. He sat with Kat each day, in the middle of the room. I was one of the first tables with Ellen and a few other friends—all girls. Sam and Jenna argued across the table about something about computers, asking everyone around them who was right. I just shrugged at them and let them almost kill each other. Erin calmed them down and shut them up before they drew too much attention to us.

“Anne, did you get the homework for math?” Erin asked. I searched my thoughts for a moment.

“Yeah, pages three-hundred, problems two to forty, even.” I told her.

“Thanks,” she said and went on telling me about her weekend and why she missed. My arm flinched with a sudden sting. I winced, trying to hide it in my face, and watched Erin speak. Ellen was trained to notice those things. I didn't know how she did it, but she could tell when I was in pain, no matter how hard I tried to hide it. She looked over at me and lightly put her hand on mine under the table. I nodded my head at Erin, that was actually a signal to Ellen that I was alright. She lowered her head and picked her food back up and put it to her lips. I pulled my sleeve down to my knuckles.

“Yeah, that would be awesome,” I said softly to Erin. She smiled brightly and turned to Sam next to her. My eyes glanced across the room to Jack again. He smiled beautifully at his friends that all laughed about something. The achy-feeling in my heart turned on right on time. I frowned and looked over at a body moving across my view and approaching in my direction. My eyes flickered up to the face, and my heart sunk into its dark hole. The body slipped past everyone, and stopped in front of me. I turned to reluctantly face him.

“Anna, can I talk to you?” Chris asked, glaring around the table at the other girls who stared with curiosity. I raised an eyebrow at him and tightened my lips.

“No.” I said simply. I had nothing to say to him, and I didn't feel like listening to anything he had to say to me. He shoved his hands in his pockets and didn't move.

“Please?”

“No.” I said again. The other girls at the table stared in silence, I ignored the watching eyes on my back.

“Anna, please? It is important,” Chris said and held out his hand. I wrinkled my nose at it. “Why won't you talk to me?”

“Why won't you leave me alone and go talk to your fiancé! I have nothing to say to you. Now leave.” I yelled. I crossed my arms and my eyebrows furrowed, but my eyes never left his. I challenged him.

“My fiancé?”

“Yeah, Kat!” I spat at him. He cocked his head at me.

“She is not my fiancé! What gave you that idea?” My eyes widened and I searched my memory. There was a ring on her finger, right? I squinted at him.

“I saw the ring on her finger--”

“Her birthday gift from her father.” he corrected me. My stomach churned. I was wrong? No, this can't be! I saw it! He's lying.

“Anna, we obviously need to sort things out. Come on, we have to work this out.”

“There is nothing to work out, Chris. Now leave me alone!” I screamed. My table said nothing. Ellen who sat next to me watched like it was a drama. I imagined her inhaling her popcorn next to me if she had some. I felt something in Chris jerk, I felt it almost through the air, and when I snapped my head to him, he grabbed my arm and pulled me up. I yelped and swung it out of his grip. My teeth grit together and I slouched further, ready to pounce.

“How dare--” I yelled, but was cut off by a sense of someone right behind me. Chris's eyes stared past me at the figure. I spun around and saw Jack standing behind me calmly, staring at Chris.

“You must have forgot your manners. I don't remember when it was okay to grab a lady who doesn't want to leave with you, especially this one.” Jack said in the smoothest voice. My body lost all its energy in that split second of anger, and I felt myself only standing up by a thin strand of energy. I blinked lazily and let my body slump. Ellen jumped up, but I waved my hand for her to sit.

“This is none of your business, Jack!” Chris growled. Jack came up next to me and my eyes rolled up to his that looked down at me from the corners. My arms drooped at my sides and I slowly breathed, each breath cracking in my throat.

“Chris, I will not let you be so rude. I think it is time you walked back to your chair.” Jack said. I heart fluttered with each word escaping his perfectly curved lips.

“Jack, stay out of this. Anna, we need to talk. Now!” Chris looked down at me. I rolled my eyes up to him and scowled. Jack stepped in front of me and stood in Chris's face.

“Chris, leave. You will not disrespect her like this. Go back to Kat.” Jack said. Then, Kat came into view and grabbed Chris's arm. Chris's forehead wrinkled and stiffened. Kat and I glared at each other like two cats squaring each other off for a fight. Then, he turned and walked away with her.

“Wow.” Ellen whispered. Jack slowly turned to me and the bell rang. Everyone around me shot up from their seats and stampeded to the door. My knees stiffened as I looked up at Jack. He slowly and gently wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me. Ellen watched, waiting to take me to my next class.

“Thanks,” I whispered in his chest.

“No problem. Just call me next time he bothers you.” Jack whispered in my ear. I nodded slowly and we parted.

“Wow, he totally digs you!” Ellen squealed next to me as we walked up the stairs. I couldn't help but blushing what little I could. “Are you alright now? I was about to kill Chris when he grabbed you. What happened?”

“I don't know. It was like, my energy suddenly drained from my body.” I sighed. I looked down at my veined hand and hid it in my pocket.

“But you're alright now, right?” she said, looking at me with caring eyes. I nodded. She half-smiled and we walked to our classes.

I guessed what happened in the cafeteria was the next big buzz around the school. Rumors went around that twisted the story into an actual fight, and some twisted to Chris actually dragging me away to yell at me in the hallway. All the time I spent trying to avoid drama, one little thing happens and I get sucked into it quicker than I imagined. And I didn't even do anything.

I was so glad it was Friday. I needed some extra sleep. My tiny body weakened each day, unfortunately. Over the weekend was when I usually built it back up with sleep. By the end of the day, I was ready to go home and go to bed, and maybe hang out with Ellen that night. I made my way to my locker to grab my things and go home when Ellen ran up behind me. I tensed, and looked over my shoulder at her. Her face was bright and smiling, she was obviously excited about something.

“Guess what!” she screamed. I winced and squinted one of my eyes at her high-pitched tone.

“What?” I said, grabbing my purse and shoving my books into my locker and slamming it shut. When I turned around, she was bouncing.

“Andrew is taking me out to diner tonight and I'm sleeping over his house for our anniversary. I'm so excited!” she yelled. Everyone around us gave a look, then turned back to their friends. I smiled happily for her.

“That's awesome!” I said. She looked up and squeezed herself. I looked at her a little crazily, and let it go. She was always crazy like that.

“I'm so excited. Tonight is going to be awesome!” she breathed and walked next to me as we made our way out of the school. I watched carefully at all the bodies running by me, careful not to get bumped by someone and flung into a wall or something.

“Are you guys gonna'...” I asked, raising an eyebrow at her. Ellen smiled wider and nodded quickly.

“Oh, my gosh!” I couldn't believe it. Ellen was actually going to “do it” with Andrew. Alright, we were both virgins, there was nothing wrong with that. We were saving ourselves. Me for marriage, her for whoever she felt was right. “Wow.” I whispered. Then, my arm stung. I winced and held it against me, waiting for the pain to stop.

“Are you okay?” Ellen said under the loud yells of the students around us. I nodded and felt someone lightly touch my shoulder. I slowly turned and saw Jack. I stopped dead in my tracks. The stampede behind me jumped out of the way of Jack, Ellen, and I just standing there. We broke the “chain”. So, everyone had to walk around us on the cramped staircase. I looked up at his dark eyes.

“Hey, Anna. Can I ask you something?” he said. I barely heard him, but I read his lips enough to understand. I nodded and waited, looking adoringly into his eyes that I had to fix myself about, I didn't want to freak him out by staring at him a certain way. I had to be gentle around him, tension was always high around us when we spoke or came close to each other. It had been like that for years. There was always a strange air around the other. When I looked at him, my heart ached and I wanted to just hug him to make things better, but it would never work. I had no idea how he would react to me trying to be close to him again. I knew he had pushed himself to forget about me, and to push his want from his mind, which made me hurt worse. I wondered numerous times how he felt about me, convincing myself he hated me for the terrible things I did to him, and only I could be the blame for them. I deserved to be hated by him, though I only wished I could fall back into his trusting arms that sheltered me all those years, and the shelter I broke so sharply and quickly and caused our lives to both fall. I was the one responsible for both of our pains. It was me. Dumb me.

His perfect face looked down at me, that angelic face my mind wondered back to each night as I slept. “Yeah?” I asked. People had cleared the staircase and only us remained. Ellen stared off the the side, waiting for me. Jack noticed, but he kept his eyes on me. I almost died.

“I'm sorry about earlier...” he whispered.

“It's okay. If it wasn't for you, things would have been a lot worse. Thank you.” I smiled, my hands shaky and my heart nervous to speak to such a creature. Ellen made a face and I started walking down the stairs carefully so wouldn't trip or something. My body was stiff from nerves.

“Alright. Are you doing anything today? Have any plans for the weekend?” he asked. My heart skipped as I argued with myself in my head if he was going to ask what I thought he would. I glanced at Ellen, her turned her head to look forward and hide the smirk on her face.

“Um, not really. Why?” I asked, awaiting those words my heart skipped for, practically reached out of my chest to pull them out of his mouth.

“Just wondering, no specific reason. Hope you have fun, by Ellen.” he said. Ellen waved with a confused look on her face. I felt my insides burn and my body slump even more and slouch even more. I watched him trot away with his perfect trot I always thought was so cute. I looked at his cute shoulders, his muscular back, his tight shirt showing each slab of muscle lining his back, the thought of his perfect body I would love to--

“Wow.” Ellen said next to me as we walked down the sidewalk. I watched my feet, tightening my chest to beat up my heart that got my hopes up so high. I scowled at my pathetic self.

“I'm so stupid. I actually thought his feelings were still there. I was obviously wrong!” I growled. I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead.

“No, Anna. Don't say that. He's just shy. I bet you twenty dollars he still loves you,” she said and wrapped her arm around my shoulders and hugged me. I sighed and stared at the ground, ignoring her eyes on me. “Come on, Anna.”

“I'm so stupid. But, I deserve it.”

“No you don't, Anna! Don't ever say that,” she grabbed my face and forced me to look at her, “you are so special. You alone are a great person, and one heck of a lucky one. God loves you, and so does Jack, and so do I. Now shut up,” she said and hugged me. I rolled my eyes and pushed the topic aside, we weren't getting anywhere, I felt. She drove me home like she did every day, we pretty much talked about her date the whole time, which was fine with me. I was in no mood to continue talking about my situation.

“You better tell me about it tomorrow!” I said to her before getting out of the car.

“Don't worry, I will!” she said and winked. I nodded and closed the door behind me as I walked to my house.

“Hey, Anna!” Mom said as I walked into the house. I slid my shoes off and fell onto the couch.

“How are you feeling?” she asked. I shrugged and rolled my shoulder.

“The usual,” I whispered and closed my eyes. She was washing my dad's shoes on her lap on the couch with Kix sitting above her head. I listened to Dad trot downstairs but didn't move.

“Anna, how was school.”

“Fine,” I said simply and looked at him. He tightened his lips and smiled. He was dressed up.

“Wow, you look nice.” I said. Him and Mom smiled at each other and Mom handed him his shoe.

“Wedding today.” he said. No wonder. He was the pastor for someone's wedding, he had to look nice. I let my arm dangle onto the floor and I bent my legs up in the air behind me. My cheek pressed against the seat of the couch with no sign of moving any time soon.

“Sarah, I gotta' go. I'll see you girls later.” Dad said. Mom kissed him goodbye and he walked over and patted my shoulder. I nodded without opening my eyes and he left.

“Anna, are you alright?” Mom asked, gently touching my head to feel for a fever.

“I'm fine, Mom. I'm just tired.” I said. I rolled my eye open and looked up at her. Her red hair dangled around her worried face.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Mom!” I groaned. I pouted and rubbed my forehead. I slowly pulled myself up and dragged myself upstairs to my room. Fridays were suppose to be great, instead, mine was boring. I curled up in a ball and thought about Jack.

I was so sure he would ask me on a date I could practically pull the words from his mouth. I remembered how light I felt when I thought he would ask me. And when he didn't, all my thoughts of him really through with me were confirmed. I had lost him forever, I thought.

I tightened my lips together and held back my sorrow. I'm so stupid! I growled at myself, remembering what I did to him. I looked at my veined hand and curled my fingers tightly in a fist. The metallic taste returned to my mouth again, and I sighed. I eventually fell asleep, my tired body turned itself on “low” for a few hours to gain its strength back.

“Anna! Anna, wake up!” my mom squealed in a whisper. My eyes opened slowly and I looked lazily at her.

“What?” I groaned and rubbed my face.

“Jack is at the door, he wants to speak--” I shot up form my bed, but fell over. Mom caught me and held me up, my arm screamed in pain.

“Ah!” I screamed and clamped my eyes shut to endure the pain.

“Anna, are you okay?” Mom asked me desperately. I heaved for my breath, it cracking with each inhale and filling my lungs unevenly. After a few seconds, I stood up and looked in my mirror. My hair was crazy.

“Anna, calm down!” Mom said. I ignored her while fixing my hair. I wiped my face quickly and left my room and Mom behind.

I carefully walked down the stairs, careful not to fall by the shaking body. Everything was happening too fast, so I attempted to walk calmly to slow my hysterical heart. I took a breath before opening the door.

“Hey, Jack.” I said calmly. He smiled at me and looked at the wood under his feet. I slid out of my doorway and closed it behind me.

“Hey, Anna. I'm sorry to just show up here, but I needed to talk to you.” he said in his angelic voice. I nodded and crossed my arms over my chest. I looked into his perfect, brown eyes. “Okay, I wanted to ask you, if you were not busy, if you could possibly come to dinner with me tonight?” My heart burst in my chest. My fingers tingled. I loved how traditional he was in the way he spoke to me. Then, I felt my energy drain. I slumped over slightly and blinked lazily at him. I felt like going back to sleep, and I didn't understand it. I had just woke up. Then, I realized how I was weak when something that quickened my heartbeat happened. My body can't handle the extra stress... My eyes widened as I figured out the answer. My heart sucked up all my energy when it would grow excited. It couldn't handle it. It can't handle it... How am I suppose to survive like this? I screamed in my head.

“Anna, are you alright?” Jack asked. My eyes flickered up to his and I realized what had happened a few seconds earlier. I shot into my mode again and responded:

“Sure, that would be great! When?” I asked. I looked past him at the sun that was due to disappear under the hills soon.

“Actually, I didn't know you number, so I couldn't call to warm you. I would like to go now, but if you need time getting ready--”

“No, we can go now.” I looked down at myself, still dressed in my clothes I wore to school.

“I'm sorry, I should have told you ahead of time.” His eyes looked down at my pathetic face. I could see how sorry he was in his face. I told him to wait as I walked back in my house and told my parents where I was going.

“Jack is taking you? Are you guys back together?” Dad asked. I frowned and rolled my eyes.

“No, Dad. Gosh. I'll be home in a little.” I told him and he nodded and turned back to his plate of food. Alice and Ben were nowhere in sight.

“Alright, we can go.” I told Jack when I got outside. He smiled and we walked to his car.

“Thank you for bringing me.” I whispered to him as I sat in the passenger seat.

“Thank you for coming. I would have asked you in school, Anna, but I was too nervous. I'm sorry I showed up on such short notice.”

“Don't worry about it, Jack. Gee.” I laughed at him. He smiled and shrugged.

“Sorry.” he said. I turned and looked out the window. I could feel my heart thumping. I tried to calm myself before I would pass out.

“Here we are,” Jack said and we stopped in front of a large building. We got out and walked up to the front doors. I could see the bright inside, filled with people. I read the sign on the building and smiled. It was The Grape Vine. I loved that place. It was an Italian restaurant that served great food. Jack knew it was my favorite. He looked down at me out of the corner of his eye and smiled.

“I thought you'd forget by now.” I looked over at him with glistening eyes. I knew he cared for me.

“Never.” he whispered and held the door for me to walk in.