Forever Yours

Love-Friendship

 

Judge me if you want to, but I’ll tell you this, my notion that what I had done was right will be unwavering and you can’t change a single strand of that idea. You may not understand me but I will never regret my decision.

He was just an average looking guy, wearing a slightly ruffled white polo, going to school. He was not everybody’s dream person, only mine. The moment he caught my eye, I knew, that I have seen that single speck of light behind his shoulders, which means, he was my soul mate. On the other hand, he never glanced at me. Why should he notice me anyway?
I wear glasses; I had a fair complexion but pale, pale enough that you would say I lack the right amount of nutrition. I have kinky hair, pale lips and thick eyebrows. If you would pass me by on the corridors, I am sure you would question where are all those fashion magazines and beauty products intended for my generation. Whatever, I’m comfortable with who I am.
However, the irony of all, I have a beautiful best friend. It all started when I saved her from a pick pocket-guy who might have stolen her cell phone, if I didn't interfere. I know, that most of us believe, that we are all destined to have that one person to love for the rest of our lives. Well, I also believe that we are also fated to know a friend who will fit like a jigsaw puzzle in our hearts. That is what Anabelle was for me. Even though we are poles apart in terms of physical attributes, we clicked together. She protected me from those mocking remarks of our classmates. We laugh and cry together. We shared secrets but I have two things that I keep in the dark away from her. It's better this way.
One day, Anabelle and I were in the library, doing our research for a class. We were busy finding the right books to serve as our references. We gathered all the possible books we found on the shelves. We went to our designated table, with our arms fully loaded with books. Half way to the table, I saw him coming towards us, smiling. This is secrete number one, which I had kept from Anabelle. I never wanted her to know about Dustin.
My heart fluttered wildly upon seeing him. "Oh no, maybe he’ll help me with these books, I dont know what to do, my hands are trembling,” I thought. I was right . He did help but it wasn't me he helped, but Anabelle. I blushed, not because he had passed near me, but of the fact that he never offered to help me, although I was walking ahead of Anabelle. I silently proceeded to the table , all of my strength left me. I felt an urge, to run away, because he shared our table, probably because of Anabelle. It was plain to see, he loves my best friend.
As the story goes, Dustin courted Anabelle, of course with me having to witness it all. I witnessed him rendering a love song for Anabelle, bringing food, taking her home and giving her gifts on special occasions. The fact that the two people, who I love, seemed to be cradled by the arms of love. It gave me strength in those times, when I wanted to avoid being with Anabelle, because it just hurts.
Anabelle gave her “yes” to Dustin one night, when the three of us were waiting for the rain to subside so that we could go home. It ended up that we had to walk home, in the pouring rain. My tears poured together, with those raindrops.
Months passed, maybe even a year. I was half-alive all those times. I experienced building a bridge between Anabelle and Dustin when they fought each other. Call me a fool or whatever you like, but I will not give up my friendship with Anabelle, as my love for Dustin would never weaken. Then, one cold night, Anabelle called me up, crying. I hurried to their house and asked her what is wrong.
“I had just broken up with Dustin, Hazel. There is this person. He was a childhood friend of mine. We only met a weeks ago, but I know that he is different. I think I have fallen for him. Tell me that I had done the right thing,” Anabelle sobbed.
“What the hell got into you? You dropped Dustin just as easy as that. It is not fair!" I yelled, as all my efforts, of keeping them together, seemed to be wasted. "You are with him more than a year!" I yelled at her, as her tears kept raining down.
“Yes, but you don’t understand. I had felt a different spark. You would not get my explanation because you never loved at all!” she yelled back, in a hysterical voice.
"You just never know, Anabelle . I thought you’ll take care of Dustin." My mind countered quietly, as my emotions flamed up for a second. "What does she know about my feelings? " “Okay, I’m sorry. But, is that what you really want?” I asked her, as I calmed myself down, trying to calm her down as well.
“I know, I have been unfair but I think I’m doing the right thing”. She answered, sobbing.
Anabelle had been selfish, for that uncertain reason, she dumped Dustin. I tried to hate her but I cannot. Meanwhile, Dustin seemed to be someone else. He never came to me, so he could to get to Anabelle.
One time, he just smiled weakly at me when he saw me going in his direction, but he hurried away. I tried to follow him, for there is something different in his movement. I was about to call his name, when I realized that he headed towards the woods nearby. There was a little hut, not so deep into the forest. As I ran further in, I saw him entere the hut. The sun was going down, night came close. He wasn't going to come outside. Fear crept on me. I ran towards the house. As I entered, Dustin’s lifeless body, hanging on the ceiling, greeted me. I wanted to scream but my voice left me. The next thing I knew was embracing him with all my migh,t while tears flooded my face.
Love and life was he. Life can’t exist without love. I know I’ll never live without him. I know he will curse me for what I’ll do, but I can’t take seeing his dead body. He might have a promising life ahead but he wasted it because of my best friend.
I put all my conscience aside. I bared my pointed teeth and sunk it into his neck. He deserves to live, a second chance to be happy, if not with me, then with another person. After a while, I wiped his precious blood off my lips and waited, then, my magic happened. He slowly opened his eyes. His eyes met mine and then followed a bewildered question in his lips, “ Hazel, what happened?”.
For a couple of days, Dustin avoided school. He never showed up. I exposed my greatest secret in life to him, only him. But what’s the use of being a vampire if I can’t save the one I love? Now, he will live forever, and I will wait for him forever .
Anabelle regretted what she had done. Funny, I thought , she never realized the damage that she had done to Dustin. She said, she wanted Dustin again, in her life. The thing between her and her childhood friend was merely brought about by the fact that she missed him so much , being a close friend. It was Dustin whom she truly love, so she will do everything to get him back.
And how would I react to that? I’m just too tired of anything else. I just assured her that Dustin would be back one day. On the other hand, I wonder.. I wonder, if what my mother told me once, could be true, once we inject our venom in someone, that person would forever be ours. But I know how strong love is, and I never expect that Dustin would be mine. Perhaps, his love for Anabelle would prevail.
One day, he came back. Anabelle and I were together that day. Anabelle run to hug him. I closed my eyes while pain seared my heart. I had to accept the fact, that they are soulmates , not me and him.
I slowly opened my eyes again.That day I saw three things. The first one was ,Dustin freeing himself from Anabelle’s embrace. The second was Anabelle’s face streaming with tears.
And the last one? Dustin’s pale but glowing face with his hand wiping my tears while whispering “I’m forever yours”.

Top of Form

 

Author's Note

-the edited version -this story was luckily edited on this site (which im so grateful of) by another writer here named The Unknown ,

Reviews

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Burning passion in this one. And the ending says "miracles do happen" but it also asks, what does the happiness of one, cost to the other. Well, in situations like this anyway. Lovely work. I see you're aware of grammar problems, so I wont be bugging you with that.
Write more! I like your stories :)

[Margaux Alchem]

thank you again. :) and it's okay to bug me with the grammar problems you could point out one or two (i know there are a lot) if it doesnt bother you. This unedited piece was submitted to our literary folio and some people liked it as well. Im glad that you liked it and happier cause you took time to review .

[Dani The Unreviewed]

I'll collect them all soon :)

[Margaux Alchem]

hahah , another thank you. this made me want to write more

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Here is the revision, below:


He was just an average looking guy, wearing a slightly ruffled white polo, going to school. He was not everybody’s dream person, only mine. The moment he caught my eye, I knew, that I have seen that single speck of light behind his shoulders, which means, he was my soul mate. On the other hand, he never glanced at me. Why should he notice me anyway?
I wear glasses; I had a fair complexion but pale, pale enough that you would say I lack the right amount of nutrition. I have kinky hair, pale lips and thick eyebrows. If you would pass me by on the corridors, I am sure you would question where are all those fashion magazines and beauty products intended for my generation. Whatever, I’m comfortable with who I am.
However, the irony of all, I have a beautiful best friend. It all started when I saved her from a pick pocket-guy who might have stolen her cell phone, if I didn't interfere. I know, that most of us believe, that we are all destined to have that one person to love for the rest of our lives. Well, I also believe that we are also fated to know a friend who will fit like a jigsaw puzzle in our hearts. That is what Anabelle was for me. Even though we are poles apart in terms of physical attributes, we clicked together. She protected me from those mocking remarks of our classmates. We laugh and cry together. We shared secrets but I have two things that I keep in the dark away from her. It's better this way.
One day, Anabelle and I were in the library, doing our research for a class. We were busy finding the right books to serve as our references. We gathered all the possible books we found on the shelves. We went to our designated table, with our arms fully loaded with books. Half way to the table, I saw him coming towards us, smiling. This is secrete number one, which I had kept from Anabelle. I never wanted her to know about Dustin.
My heart fluttered wildly upon seeing him. "Oh no, maybe he’ll help me with these books, I dont know what to do, my hands are trembling,” I thought. I was right . He did help but it wasn't me he helped, but Anabelle. I blushed, not because he had passed near me, but of the fact that he never offered to help me, although I was walking ahead of Anabelle. I silently proceeded to the table , all of my strength left me. I felt an urge, to run away, because he shared our table, probably because of Anabelle. It was plain to see, he loves my best friend.
As the story goes, Dustin courted Anabelle, of course with me having to witness it all. I witnessed him rendering a love song for Anabelle, bringing food, taking her home and giving her gifts on special occasions. The fact that the two people, who I love, seemed to be cradled by the arms of love. It gave me strength in those times, when I wanted to avoid being with Anabelle, because it just hurts.
Anabelle gave her “yes” to Dustin one night, when the three of us were waiting for the rain to subside so that we could go home. It ended up that we had to walk home, in the pouring rain. My tears poured together, with those raindrops.
Months passed, maybe even a year. I was half-alive all those times. I experienced building a bridge between Anabelle and Dustin when they fought each other. Call me a fool or whatever you like, but I will not give up my friendship with Anabelle, as my love for Dustin would never weaken. Then, one cold night, Anabelle called me up, crying. I hurried to their house and asked her what is wrong.
“I had just broken up with Dustin, Hazel. There is this person. He was a childhood friend of mine. We only met a weeks ago, but I know that he is different. I think I have fallen for him. Tell me that I had done the right thing,” Anabelle sobbed.
“What the hell got into you? You dropped Dustin just as easy as that. It is not fair!" I yelled, as all my efforts, of keeping them together, seemed to be wasted. "You are with him more than a year!" I yelled at her, as her tears kept raining down.
“Yes, but you don’t understand. I had felt a different spark. You would not get my explanation because you never loved at all!” she yelled back, in a hysterical voice.
"You just never know, Anabelle . I thought you’ll take care of Dustin." My mind countered quietly, as my emotions flamed up for a second. "What does she know about my feelings? " “Okay, I’m sorry. But, is that what you really want?” I asked her, as I calmed myself down, trying to calm her down as well.
“I know, I have been unfair but I think I’m doing the right thing”. She answered, sobbing.
Anabelle had been selfish, for that uncertain reason, she dumped Dustin. I tried to hate her but I cannot. Meanwhile, Dustin seemed to be someone else. He never came to me, so he could to get to Anabelle.
One time, he just smiled weakly at me when he saw me going in his direction, but he hurried away. I tried to follow him, for there is something different in his movement. I was about to call his name, when I realized that he headed towards the woods nearby. There was a little hut, not so deep into the forest. As I ran further in, I saw him entere the hut. The sun was going down, night came close. He wasn't going to come outside. Fear crept on me. I ran towards the house. As I entered, Dustin’s lifeless body, hanging on the ceiling, greeted me. I wanted to scream but my voice left me. The next thing I knew was embracing him with all my migh,t while tears flooded my face.
Love and life was he. Life can’t exist without love. I know I’ll never live without him. I know he will curse me for what I’ll do, but I can’t take seeing his dead body. He might have a promising life ahead but he wasted it because of my best friend.
I put all my conscience aside. I bared my pointed teeth and sunk it into his neck. He deserves to live, a second chance to be happy, if not with me, then with another person. After a while, I wiped his precious blood off my lips and waited, then, my magic happened. He slowly opened his eyes. His eyes met mine and then followed a bewildered question in his lips, “ Hazel, what happened?”.
For a couple of days, Dustin avoided school. He never showed up. I exposed my greatest secret in life to him, only him. But what’s the use of being a vampire if I can’t save the one I love? Now, he will live forever, and I will wait for him forever .
Anabelle regretted what she had done. Funny, I thought , she never realized the damage that she had done to Dustin. She said, she wanted Dustin again, in her life. The thing between her and her childhood friend was merely brought about by the fact that she missed him so much , being a close friend. It was Dustin whom she truly love, so she will do everything to get him back.
And how would I react to that? I’m just too tired of anything else. I just assured her that Dustin would be back one day. On the other hand, I wonder.. I wonder, if what my mother told me once, could be true, once we inject our venom in someone, that person would forever be ours. But I know how strong love is, and I never expect that Dustin would be mine. Perhaps, his love for Anabelle would prevail.
One day, he came back. Anabelle and I were together that day. Anabelle run to hug him. I closed my eyes while pain seared my heart. I had to accept the fact, that they are soulmates , not me and him.
I slowly opened my eyes again.That day I saw three things. The first one was ,Dustin freeing himself from Anabelle’s embrace. The second was Anabelle’s face streaming with tears.
And the last one? Dustin’s pale but glowing face with his hand wiping my tears while whispering “I’m forever yours”.

[A writer]

Wow.. I read the original, and the revision... After reading the revision, I can say, our friend here, needs to write a lot more, to reach that level, where you are. But even in your version, I see you didn't put all you had in it. Anyway... Nice work. :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

I know... I had to hold back. This is a short story after all. And I'm busy with my books, so there. Lol. :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Anyway, I got eighty points for this review. :) Lol. :D and twenty two for the other. xD I'm on fire. lol

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Wording problem number one: " slightly ruffled white polo in going to school." the word "in " is not necessary.

Next up : " The moment he caught my eye, I know" you see it? "know " should be "knew." at least, I think so. Next up :
" On the other hand, even a single glance at me he did not." this line could be reworked, as follows : "On the other hand, he didn't even look at me", or "he never even glanced at me."

next up : " I am sure you would question where all those fashion magazines and beauty products intended for my generation. Whatever, I’m comfortable with who I am." two things I'd like to point out.. first, the sentence is either missing the word "are" after the word "where". The last thing about this, is what the readers would expect... Most people these days are not exactly comfortable with who they are. at least, not with how they look... Tons of makeup, fitness clubs, 'n stuff like that are part of their lives. But I wouldn't change the part saying " Whatever, I’m comfortable with who I am."
it added a little spice, as the character seems interesting, not your average person. which is good.

Okay, next up : " no, maybe he’ll help me this books, I dont know what to do, my hands are trembling,” my mind thought." One: it's missing the word "with" so the line should look as follows " no, maybe he’ll help me 'with ' these books"... Oh, and yes, "this" replaced by "these" would be the right version. There are lot of wording problems throughout the story. For example : "my mind thought." What?? I mean, you don't have to say your mind thought, no other body parts can think. It's enough if you'd write "I thought"

I'll collect, and correct the rest of them for you, and send the revised version in a message, if that is okay. I'm off to work on my books for now. :) Don't worry, mistakes like this, we all do. Just don't hurry with writing your stories, pay attention to how you word the sentences, and try using some sort of autocorrect, to avoid, annoying little typos. Well, I'm off to write :)

[Margaux Alchem]

I sincerely appreciate this . Thank you so much The Unknown. You are such a cool person :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

*blush * Thank you :) And you're very welcome :)

[Margaux Alchem]

now my story has the revised version - with proper editing which I havent done , im glad I joined this site :D