amelia

"I'm dying"

,was all that would to through Amelia's head.  She had been left behind by everyone; her mother, her father, her brother, and now her closest friends.  She looked down at the belt in her hands and brought it down on her leg again.

"22, 23, 24..."

She counted up the tallies on her arm, a single blow for each mark.  Five for losing a friend, one for each second she did something wrong, and then one for each thirty seconds she was yelled at.  Tears streamed down her face, though not from the welts that arose on her skin, but from the depths of her soul as she remembered each leash she deserved.

"45, 46, 47, 48..."

The leather belt had raised blood welts now, but she didn't care.  It let her release everything she held in that day.

"73."

She stopped, now out of tallies, curled up,and wrapped her arms around herself as wept.  Her back ribs prominent under her white shirt.

"It's not enough..."  she whispered into the air.  Standing up, she took the belt again and walked defeatedly to her closest where she hung it neatly in place.  Everyone in the house would be sleeping now, so they wouldn't hear her open the door.  Turning the knob, a single tear slid down her cheek.  She opened the door and walked through, easing through the large living room and into the hall that lead to the kitchen.  There she rifled through the pill bottles until she found some she could empty out and refill.  She snatched a hand full and emptied their contents into the trash can, keeping their hulls.  Amelia continued on to the laundry room and proceeded to fill each pill capsule with bleach.  Tears were now streaming down her face as she swallowed each one, counting.

"1, 2, 3, 4..."  

No one would miss her, it was less money for her mother to earn, and was more time for her father to spend with her little brother.

"5, 6, 7, 8..."

She had hurt her friends so many times.  She had one even say to never speak to her again.

"9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14."

There weren't anymore, but it would take around fifteen minutes for the capsules to dissolve and take effect.  Fifteen minutes, then the bleach would tear through her body, work its way into her blood stream, and eventually kill her.  Fifteen minutes to live.  She took her diary, her poems, and her stories that mattered most.  Amelia opened her diary and wrote one last entry.  

"May 11, 2012

If you're reading this, then you have to know I'm dead.  I hope that someone will miss me and that no one will forget me.  I have just taken 14 pill capsules and have only fifteen minutes to live, so I hope that this happens: Please copy out all my diary entries, poems, and short stories.  Give one copy to each of my classmates and friends.  I hope you know that I loved all of you, forever and always.  I tried to meet each of your standards, but it appears I have failed.  Please don't forget me, as that alone is my greatest fear.  I'm going to end now.  Please don't forget me."

Amelia closed her diary and stacked three notebooks together: her binder on the bottom, then her poetry notebook, and her diary on top.  She set them in her lap and leaned against the wall of her bedroom.  A couple of minutes later, an excruciating pain tore through her gut, causing her to gasp.  She arched her back and clenched her jaw, determined not to scream and alert everyone in the house.  She gripped her stomach and bent over, tears welling up in her eyes.  

"Mmmmph!"

The sound emanated from her, the closest thing to a scream, she would allow herself.  The burning sensation inside of her stomach speed out into her limbs, flowing like lava throughout her body.  Amelia inhaled, feeling the strength in her limbs fading away.  She relaxed her body, all feeling in her limbs now gone.  A gentle smile crept onto her face as she called out in a last cry to the earth,

"I'm free."

Reviews

[Talismanic]

"I'm dying;"
the only words to go through Amelia's head.'
'...remembered each lash she deserved' ?

Verry well written, the description, pace and development of tension keeps us hoping, it does not numb or embitter us, and so we fear the ending she does not, that she was in this much pain. But what is most bleak and heart-breaking is that people really feel this way, that we have driven everyone away from us, that it is our fault...

[Johnny Zip]

My emotions were on edge waiting to see what her fate would be. The ending you delivered was so beautifully melancholy.

[Sarah Hitchcock]

I am not sure what to say, yes its well written, I am no expert on if bleach filled capsules will kill her. I actually had a hard job of imaging her filling them, have you ever tried to put them back together when they come apart before taking an actual pill. They are not easy, and really you would only be able to fill half the side to fit them back together. I don't get why she would fill pills. I am not even a fan of self harming and suicide stories. I know they are a delicate issue, but I am going to be honest, when I want to read something I want to head to a happy place. This of course is just my opinion, and admire you for taking on this delicate storyline.

[Kelly G]

The prose is good but there are inconsistencies in the story line that leave me confused. 1. If everyone left her behind, why are they all in the same house? More importantly, did she do something to upset them or did they do something to upset her? At first I think its the later, then the other way around.
2. Bleach won't kill you, not 15 capsules worth.
3. It also does not fill capsules well. It will dissolve them.
4. I tried to meet each of you standards, but it appears I have failed - I suggest but I feel I have failed.
5. stomach speed - stomach sped
6. leash or lash
7. Do you really think she's going to smile as she dies, painfully so?
What are you trying to say? Where are you trying to take the reader? You've captured emotions well but need to work on story line.

[marie]

1 they left her behind emotionally
2 bleach actually will kill you if swallowed it will eat through the stomache which is already filled with acid so if added to the stomache acids will eat through your stomache and get into the blood it will then be carried out through the body and eat away at the tissues it will reach the heart and burn into that it will also reach the brain and kill off the brain cells all within 15 minutes
3 yeah well it seemed to fit well
4that seems to work alot better i think i will use it thank you
5 good good
6 lash

[Kelly G]

I have seen patients who tried this. You will get very sick to your stomach, and you could cause liver or kidney damage that would eventually kill you, slowly and painfully.

But mostly, if you drink bleach, you'll just wish you were dead as you puke.

[marie]

hmmm well i will just have to think harder then for her death