Not Safe For Worker

this is the first story i wrote.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I remember that day because it was daylight savings. My boss called earlier to remind me. She told me not to use it as an excuse and be late the next day. A few days ago, I got called into the manager’s office. They told me I was riding a thin line, and further tardiness would cause in a demotion and termination. Tonight, daylight saving became my worst enemy.

 

It didn’t matter to me. Of course, I would have to make sacrifices; it wasn’t something I couldn’t do. People always tend to give the same advice. I never listen. I don’t ever get my s**t together. After that chat with my boss I went into the break room. In the last week or so, I saw fruit flies by the fridge. Everyone was making a big fuss. Complaining about the flies, but at seven seventy-five an hour, it didn’t bother any of us enough to clean the place up. Around here, no one cleans anything unless we are told to do so.

Those damn flies were everywhere. Since I had made the manager’s s**t list, I was the one assigned to rid the rest of us of that particular problem. I got to play janitor. I didn’t like it, but, at least I got away from the customers.

After three and a half hours, I couldn’t recall anything. Brief interruptions only make your memory last longer. If I get fired, I’ll just get another job. It will be just as easy for me as it'll be for them to find someone to replace me. I kept mopping and taking out the garbage. After I finished, I put the cleaning solution away, clocked out and walked to my car. I didn’t stop to say goodbye to anyone.

 

Driving to my apartment after work wasn’t a big deal. It was the other way around which causes me trouble. It wasn’t too late, and Wally world was still open. I had come to the conclusion that it would cost me in around fifteen dollars to get the items I so desperately needed tonight. A nine dollar bottle of wine, and a six-pack of cheap beer. I still had half a pack of cigarettes. That should last me the rest of the night.  Spending this money would put me behind for the month, all the money from my last paycheck went to rent. The pantry and the fridge were running on empty. My credit card was maxed out. In my pockets, however, money for alcohol and cigarettes was always everlasting. Having no food wasn’t a problem, at lest not for the plans I had made for the rest of the evening.

The place wasn’t too dirty. It wasn’t clean, but at least it was not too much of a mess. I was always told that women didn’t like messy apartments. And I never had a hard time keeping up with the chores. Living alone has more advantages than it is given. Solitude is a blessing. No matter how fast we are to seek companionship.

The bottle of wine sat next to the six-pack. I never bought cheap wine. When I drink it, I want to really taste it. Beer didn’t matter at all. By the time I started drinking it, I would be too drunk to care.

 

* * *

 

The telephone rang while the shower was running. The noise the water made was not loud enough to drain out the ringing. Mike and a couple of the other guys were heading out to a club and wanted me to tag along. He made it sound too good to be true, which was and immediate turn off for me. I knew they’ll just end up getting drunk and not pick up any women. I wasn’t much into that. If I was to get drunk, which I was, my preference is to do it alone. Sure the cheap drinks usually dragged me out, tonight, my plans were already fulfilled. I had met a woman a few weeks earlier and I was expecting her to visit me.

I turned on the record player. Soft, easy music was playing. It was good, not too obvious I was trying to set the mood. I felt tempted to turn it off and just put on a movie. I didn’t.

The telephone rang again. The music on their end was blasting. This made it hard for me to make out what he was saying. Mike was calling me from inside the club. I could imagine him pressing the phone against his left ear and putting his index finger in his right one, trying to cancel out the noise. It didn’t accomplish the goal he intended. I don’t like to stay on the phone form more than three minutes and he was dragging our already failing conversation. The only reason he called me was to ask me to stay away. He said the crowd was mostly couples and guys. This meant they had found a group of girls; my going would only increase the sausage factor. It was code. We always spoke in code. I didn’t even have intentions of going anywhere tonight. Tonight wasn’t a night for accomplishments.

The telephone rang one more time. I answered it with a rude attitude, thinking it was Mike again. She said she’d be over and to hold my horses. She’d be over in thirty minutes later than we had planned. Not too bad. She’ll come by; we would f**k for about three hours, drink the wine, and get my mind off things. Then I’d drink the rest of the beer after she was gone. It couldn’t get any more simpler than that.

 

The minutes passed slowly. Half an hour later, she showed up. She knocked on the door gently. I opened the door. She looked better than I remember. She always looked better than the time before. That was her thing. She came in, sat on the couch and asked for a glass of water. She wanted ice. She didn’t apologize for her tardiness. I didn’t expect it from her. It didn’t bother me either.

She didn’t want to drink. she said she thought of staying home. She finished her glass of water. The ice not even mildly melted. She was talking about her boyfriend. She didn’t want to have sex with me tonight. If she didn’t want to f**k, then that’s that. There was nothing else to discuss.

While drinking her second glass of water, she told me of all the men she had slept with. She said that every single one of them had meant something to her. All of them, except me. She got up, grabbed my hand and led me to the bedroom. She told me to turn off the light as she undressed. She had an amazing body, and tonight, I was forbidden to see it.

She didn’t want to be with me. Then it hit me. We both wanted to be with different people, they did not want to be with us.

Reviews

[Kasey Klein]

Thanks for the 'friend invite.' I'm just learning my way around WritersCafe. I've taken to not accepting any invites until I look at the writing. The chaff per wheat ratio is askew.

Love the voice. Very bohemian, flat, matter-of-fact. Camus-ian. Pagan, natural. The storyteller isn't aware of life beyond his ball of existence (that's the Camus-ian), subtlety existential. I say pagan not as the playgons who've created a religion, drinking beer in the woods and jumping fires. I'm referring to pagan man, natural man. The man who tolerates society and its restraints only where he must. Pagan man is concerns only with his own joy and comfort, like drinking wine (the wine is a great touch) and f*****g. Great line: "If she didn't want to f**k, then that's that."

I think you need put more effort in your mechanics. You're too loss with words, have typos and grammatical errors. I think you have a great story here, which can be presented much better.

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I liked this story. It does have an existential vibe to it and the short sentences add to that feeling. Everything was consistent throughout the whole piece. I also think that you have room to expand on this story. You introduce the female character at the end, but as the reader only get a small glimpse into who she is. Your story builds up to the ending and you could easily take it and make it longer, expanding the ending and developing the new character along with the relationship. It would then tell more about the main character. If you wanted, you have a good beginning to a story here. That is not to discount this work to stand on its own. Just something to consider. As for a critique, I would just read through it again to catch some weird words and phrases, clean up some of the prose. Nothing major. Good job.