Dawn of Fire | Chapter ~ I Spirit of the Moth

Chapter ~ I Spirit of the Moth

 

My heart beats fast, fear running in my veins, my parents hold my little brother, as they look around, wondering what will happen next, they are completely clueless. The driver stops the truck right in front of the check point. Five fully armed soldiers surrounded the truck, one of the soldiers open the covering tent. “Where is your ID?” The officer asks me while looking at the other passengers.

The soldier checks all IDs one by one and returns it all. “Ok, you! come down!”  The soldier commands my father. He stands up and get out from the truck.

  “You are b*****d, you are not a citizen of this country, are you a spy?” He asks my father while pointing his gun straight right to my father's head. My mother cried, “Mohammed!” I hug my mother and Ahmed my little brother.

 

  My father gets pale as he looks numb and unable to move, while the soldier struck his back with his rifle, “No! Please don’t hurt my father!” I cried. The officer looks at me, grabs my hair with his sturdy hands. “You are a daughter of this b*****d you don’t have a place in this country!” I felt so much pain in my head while he grips my hair. I cried, “Please, I beg you, please don’t hurt us!” He pushes me on the ground and I stumble right in front of my father.

 

 My father holds me and covers my head, He cries and tries to explain that he is doing business in this country, but the soldier slaps my father and spit his face. “Damn B*****d!” The officer kicks and spit us once again.

 

 My mother and my brother cry, they can’t do anything. I can’t control my tears, a very painful moment for my family; I pray to God, “Please, I need you now.” I hug my father.

  

 “All of you get down! Move!” command by the soldier, my mother and my brother were afraid and immediately come near to us; she hugs my father with Ahmed. “Lamia we need to be strong,” father whispers to my mother. She nods while holding her tears. I am thinking this our end, and I wipe the tears of my little brother. My heart beats fast again and I hold him tight.

 

 Suddenly, a rapid gunfire strike the soldiers follow by a massive explosion, the rocket blows the outpost; my father was quick enough to covers and hides us at the back of the old car beside the truck. The other passengers also hide with us. The four soldiers fall after the chaos. The remaining soldiers run, the bad officer fearfully heads the retreating remnants. The rebel’s open fire and the machine gun clear the road, strewn with lifeless bodies bathing in their own blood; it is a dawn of fire.

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hey Marc love the graphics, Engaging chapter. A few suggestions:
My heart beats fast, fears (fear) running in my veins, my parents hold my little brother, as they look around, wondering what will happen next, they are completely clueless. The driver stopped the truck right in front of the check point. Five fully geared (armed) soldiers surrounded the truck, one of the soldiers open the covering tent. “Where is your ID?” The officer asks me while looking at the other passengers.

The soldier checks all IDs one by one and returns it all. “Ok, you! come down!” The soldier commands my father. He stands up and get out from the truck.
“You are b*****d, you are not a citizen of this country, are you a spy?” He asks my father while pointing his gun straight right to my father's head. My mother cried, “Mohammed!” I hug my mother and Ahmed my little brother.

My father gets pale as he looks numb (and) unable to move, while the soldier struck his back with his rifle, “No! Please don’t hurt my father!” I cried. The officer looks at me, grabs my hair with his sturdy hands. “You are a daughter of this b*****d you don’t have a place in this country!” I felt too (so) much pain in my head while he grips my hair. I cried, “Please, I beg you, please don’t hurt us!” He pushes me on the ground and I stumble right in front of my father.
My father holds me and covers my head, He cries and tries to explain that he is doing business in this country, but he (the soldier) slaps my father and spit his face. “Damn B*****d!” The officer kicks and spit us once again.
My mother and my brother cries (cry), they can’t do anything. I can’t control my tears, a very painful moment for my family; I pray to God, “Please, I need you now.” I hug my father.
“All of you get down! Move!” command by the soldier, my mother and my brother was(were) afraid and immediately come near to us; she hugs my father with Ahmed. “Lamia we need to be strong,” father whispers to my mother. She nods while holding her tears. I am thinking this our end, and I wipe the tears of my little brother. My heart beats fast again and I hold him tight.
Suddenly, a (no need of a) rapid gunfire strike the soldiers follow (followed) by a massive explosion, the (a) rocket blows the outpost; my father was (is) quick enough to (get us under cover) covers and hides us at the back of the old car beside the truck. The other passengers also hide with us. The four soldiers fall after the chaos. The remaining soldiers run, the bad officer fearfully (heads the retreating remnants) led the soldiers heading to the open road. The rebel’s open fire and the machine gun clear the road (strewn) with lifeless bodies lying (erase lying), bathing with (in) their own blood; it is a dawn of fire.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Wow thanks Mr. John :)

[s y e]

Wow, I love your cover, it is very, very professional, I love it!

A good start, but is it a short story? I think you need expand on this chapter.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Yeah actually I will reformat it, I just try making it short so readers will read it lol :) anyway I will do it, thanks for the read N.H :)

[s y e]

Haha, okay but some people won't read it cause it's so short, my boyfriend doesn't read chapters as short as this and I'm not too keen on it.

It's great though, a good start. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) thanks I will change it now, thanks for the reads.

[s y e]

Okay. :) Anytime!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Like! Parang FB lang oh. Hehe

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Ok lang ba na konti lang kasi pag mahaba ayaw nila magbasa :) lol

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Okay yan. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

hehehe :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

O, you just combined the pages yesterday. That's also good. You can make it longer than you first planned to do.

Clear! :)