Dawn of Fire | Chapter ~ I Spirit of the Moth

Chapter ~ I Spirit of the Moth

 

My heart beats fast, fear running in my veins, my parents hold my little brother, as they look around, wondering what will happen next, they are completely clueless. The driver stops the truck right in front of the check point. Five fully armed soldiers surrounded the truck, one of the soldiers open the covering tent. “Where is your ID?” The officer asks me while looking at the other passengers.

The soldier checks all IDs one by one and returns it all. “Ok, you! come down!”  The soldier commands my father. He stands up and get out from the truck.

  “You are b*****d, you are not a citizen of this country, are you a spy?” He asks my father while pointing his gun straight right to my father's head. My mother cried, “Mohammed!” I hug my mother and Ahmed my little brother.

 

  My father gets pale as he looks numb and unable to move, while the soldier struck his back with his rifle, “No! Please don’t hurt my father!” I cried. The officer looks at me, grabs my hair with his sturdy hands. “You are a daughter of this b*****d you don’t have a place in this country!” I felt so much pain in my head while he grips my hair. I cried, “Please, I beg you, please don’t hurt us!” He pushes me on the ground and I stumble right in front of my father.

 

 My father holds me and covers my head, He cries and tries to explain that he is doing business in this country, but the soldier slaps my father and spit his face. “Damn B*****d!” The officer kicks and spit us once again.

 

 My mother and my brother cry, they can’t do anything. I can’t control my tears, a very painful moment for my family; I pray to God, “Please, I need you now.” I hug my father.

  

 “All of you get down! Move!” command by the soldier, my mother and my brother were afraid and immediately come near to us; she hugs my father with Ahmed. “Lamia we need to be strong,” father whispers to my mother. She nods while holding her tears. I am thinking this our end, and I wipe the tears of my little brother. My heart beats fast again and I hold him tight.

 

 Suddenly, a rapid gunfire strike the soldiers follow by a massive explosion, the rocket blows the outpost; my father was quick enough to covers and hides us at the back of the old car beside the truck. The other passengers also hide with us. The four soldiers fall after the chaos. The remaining soldiers run, the bad officer fearfully heads the retreating remnants. The rebel’s open fire and the machine gun clear the road, strewn with lifeless bodies bathing in their own blood; it is a dawn of fire.

 

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hey Marc love the graphics, Engaging chapter. A few suggestions:
My heart beats fast, fears (fear) running in my veins, my parents hold my little brother, as they look around, wondering what will happen next, they are completely clueless. The driver stopped the truck right in front of the check point. Five fully geared (armed) soldiers surrounded the truck, one of the soldiers open the covering tent. “Where is your ID?” The officer asks me while looking at the other passengers.

The soldier checks all IDs one by one and returns it all. “Ok, you! come down!” The soldier commands my father. He stands up and get out from the truck.
“You are b*****d, you are not a citizen of this country, are you a spy?” He asks my father while pointing his gun straight right to my father's head. My mother cried, “Mohammed!” I hug my mother and Ahmed my little brother.

My father gets pale as he looks numb (and) unable to move, while the soldier struck his back with his rifle, “No! Please don’t hurt my father!” I cried. The officer looks at me, grabs my hair with his sturdy hands. “You are a daughter of this b*****d you don’t have a place in this country!” I felt too (so) much pain in my head while he grips my hair. I cried, “Please, I beg you, please don’t hurt us!” He pushes me on the ground and I stumble right in front of my father.
My father holds me and covers my head, He cries and tries to explain that he is doing business in this country, but he (the soldier) slaps my father and spit his face. “Damn B*****d!” The officer kicks and spit us once again.
My mother and my brother cries (cry), they can’t do anything. I can’t control my tears, a very painful moment for my family; I pray to God, “Please, I need you now.” I hug my father.
“All of you get down! Move!” command by the soldier, my mother and my brother was(were) afraid and immediately come near to us; she hugs my father with Ahmed. “Lamia we need to be strong,” father whispers to my mother. She nods while holding her tears. I am thinking this our end, and I wipe the tears of my little brother. My heart beats fast again and I hold him tight.
Suddenly, a (no need of a) rapid gunfire strike the soldiers follow (followed) by a massive explosion, the (a) rocket blows the outpost; my father was (is) quick enough to (get us under cover) covers and hides us at the back of the old car beside the truck. The other passengers also hide with us. The four soldiers fall after the chaos. The remaining soldiers run, the bad officer fearfully (heads the retreating remnants) led the soldiers heading to the open road. The rebel’s open fire and the machine gun clear the road (strewn) with lifeless bodies lying (erase lying), bathing with (in) their own blood; it is a dawn of fire.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Wow thanks Mr. John :)

[TL Boehm]

a brutal intense first chapter. War is monstrous enough for those fighting but to civilians - women, children...oh. there no words - a strong write.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks TLB :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the reads :)

[Brianna Brie]

Yes, this is highly charged with emotion. It moves swift and fast, as if all control is lost. I can feel the element of fear. Great cover as well. Is this a book in the making or on already published? I would continue to read.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

This is not publish Ms. Brianna, but I will keep writing it.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the reads.

[gabrielle]

I got a feeling that this will be highly emotionally-charged story, Marc. This chapter has already effectively set the mood of the story.

P.S. Meron pala akong nakitang inconsistencies sa tenses. I find the font size small but it's readable naman. I hope you could finish it soon. Minsan ang hirap kasi magbasa ng hindi pa tapos. lol.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Gab, I will look for it :) I'm already in 2nd chapter.

[Leslie Philibert]

Look forward to reading more !

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thank you Sir :) I will update it soon.

[Dakshta]

Interesting start, will be waiting for the next chapter :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks friend I will update it soon :) thanks for the reads.

[Ency Bearis]

A good start and I can't wait for the whole story.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir Ency :)

[Ency Bearis]

I'm waiting for the continuation, and you're welcome

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Places, camera, action... cut; that's a wrap. Next scene, please.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks for the reads. :)

[icelandicblue]

You continue your children of war. This is a good start. I'll wait to see what happens next.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Ice :) I will update it soon.

[Rita L. Sev]

This is a great start, certainly piques interest!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Ms. Rita. :)